


Autumn of you

by ChocoSMBondage



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Longing, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Maybe OOC, OC appears, OOC, Pornstars, Rape/Non-con Elements, Will add as I go along, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-09-08 14:30:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8848681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocoSMBondage/pseuds/ChocoSMBondage
Summary: Victor is a high-earning, sought after pornstar. Appearing in numerous films since his youth, he has become desensitized and bored. Until one day he met Yuuri.Yuuri is trying to recover from a setback with the aid of Phichit. While it is still improving, yuuri tends to revert back to his ways. Until one day he met Victor. I could feel the force and recoil of the unexpected bump as me and the other party took a few steps back. Once more, my spectacles scratched against the bridge of my nose as they moved out of their usual position. After adjusting and calming the overly worried Phichit, I looked towards the stranger that I knocked into.Words of apology was on the tip of my tongue but…“Ah! It is you!”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This thought struck me while I was napping and i realised I had to write it out. I am using Yuuri instead of Yuri because it is my way of differentiating both of them despite yuri being called yurio on a more consistent basis. In my context, when the word 'yurio' appears, i will revert the spelling of yuuri back into 'yuri'. 
> 
> Well have fun reading!!

It started out as a simple greet and meet, followed by an intense and frisky night-out. Never did either of them thought of how things would turn out the way it has now. Well, one expected things to develop to an extent, and the other wasn’t, but who was to say that fate was not playing with them?

 

.....

 

In a distance, tucked in a quiet alley way, hidden was the sight of two heaving and grinding. One pinned against the wall while gripping against the other tightly, as a means of stimulating and stimulation. The blond had angled his hips to rub his crotch against his partner of the day; like a dance of allurement, maximizing his erotic potential. The natural greys of his partner glistened in the sunlight as he devoured the other; toying the tongue and tugging the lips.

Just as things was getting enticing, the blind let out a silent moan, letting his partner feel his excitement and shivers. All was lost as both started to turn things up a notch, ignoring the camera angled to capture their every move and imprint them in films.

Like works of art, they danced to the tune of each other except one could tell that there was a lead and a follower. Despite the blond being taller, he meekly followed his partner’s every command and lead. Succumbing to the desire of pleasure, the blond was left breathless when they part. He fell to his knees as his legs trembled from their intense kisses. His face heavy with a blush as he gasped for air while staring alluringly at the older man standing in front of him.

Those natural greys that are acting as a halo, engulfing the blond’s partner in bathe of light. Those soft blue eyes are filled with lust, just plain lust – no longing, no desire, unlike the blond.

Encouraged by the cold stare, the blond reached up to the buckle before…

“Cut! Alright now that is a wrap! We will beginning next scene in two hours back at the studio.”

At the command of the director, the silence was broken. Actors and staff relaxed from their tense pose. The actors regained their bearings and thanked the crew before leaving while the crew scrambled around for the next scene.

It was an early morning promotional shoot for an upcoming film.

 

“Good job as always Chris! Your pheromones are exploding, aroused?”

A pat on the back and a few plastic smiles.

 

“I would be offended if I weren’t in the least. The king has decided to grace the screen with me, how can I not get aroused, especially with your techniques… I almost came in my pants back then. Victor, you are such a sin.”

A wink and a tug of the sleeves followed by a whisper of heavy arousal and need.

 

“Hah. My pleasure, Chris.”

Just a simple nod to the over-excited.

~~~

“Ahh!”

I felt his muscles clench around my length as I entered. The warmth that engulfed me felt like every other that I have entered. Agitated, I tightened my grip on his neck, forcing Chris into the sheets beneath as I quickened my pace.

_I just want this to be over…_

Minutes prior to the start of filming, we had been frolicking around to immerse ourselves into our roles. Stretching and prodding ourselves or each other was a must have routine, especially in our line of work. Yet even after ensuring that Chris was well stretched, I could still feel a slight trickle of tear.

Feeling guilty, I leaned over his back as I whispered my apologies for being rough before ghosting a kiss on his lobes as a means of appease. Forgiving like he always is, he thrusted in back against my hips before smirking: _Cum in me._

That I did.

 

Like any other day, any other film… Many thought that being in my profession would make me turn addict and bask in the glory. But like every other job out there, once things settle down, everything becomes mundane and a chore. This is especially so for me.

Starting at a young age, waking my sexuality, attacking and receiving… Eventually being the most watched, most sought and highly fantasized bachelor. My high paying salary was nothing to all that I had to go through. Makes me wonder: _When can I leave this place? Where can I go? Will I ever meet the one for me?_

Day after day, night after night, each shoot progressed and I could feel my life draining out of me.

 

“Tone down on the number of films you appear in, would you? To think that even at your old age, your sex life is as lit and active as when you were young.”

A natural scowl broke as distain was evident.

 

“Are my white strands that obvious?! Yuri, my sweet little brother, am I really aging that bad?!”

Concern etched in the tone as nonchalant as can be.

 

“Tch! You look like you just turned 50.”

An affectionate one despite the annoyance and irritation.

 

_If I was given an opportunity to go back in time and pick another route to fame, I wouldn’t do it. Why? Simple, just look at Yuri._

.....

 

“Yuuri! How are you?! I haven’t seen you in such a long time!”

His eyes glistening, on the verge of tearing.

 

“Phichit, it has only been an hour.”

A fact that was overlooked.

 

“But it feels like it has been forever since I last saw you! Where have you been?”

He whined and threatened to cry but that wing-liner was still in place.

 

“I was just lazing beside you while you tried to get your perfect selfie.”

As a matter of fact.

 

“Oh you were right! Teehee~”

Pulling his best ‘forgive me, my wrong~’ face.

 

It has been a while since my last day off. Exhausted beyond my means, I slumped against my best friend/room-mate. Phichit was due for a photo-shoot later that day and had insisted that I should accompany him. _You need to go out and see the world more often! Coping yourself up would not help you, come watch me as I work._

That I did.

With a coffee cup in one hand and a bagel in the other, I rested against the nearest wall as I observed my best friend posing in a light cream outerwear under the falling autumn leaves. A natural he was at modelling despite his limitations.

With his hips jutted in an angle and eyes closed, he was trying to imitate a candid shot of being ‘one with nature’. From one pose to the other, from one location to other, from one outfit to the other… Even if he doesn’t get tired, I could feel myself start to tire just from watching all the changes made.

Many reasons why I will never understand the inner workings behind being a social media model.

Yet… as I observed my best friend have the time of his life doing what he does best, I cannot help but feel the darkness creep behind me. My eyes went out of focus as I fell into the depths of my thoughts, feeling the familiar cold of them. Even with the bright autumn sun blazing and shining, it was not enough to pierce through the dense fog around me. I felt heavy and immobile. I felt stunned and useless. No voice, no strength to even simply resist.

Falling deeper and deeper down the depths on a bright autumn day…

 

“Yuuri! Let’s have fun!”

With a smile, dazzling and oozing in confidence.

 

I hesitated, standing rooted in my spot as I contemplated his words, dicing them around to figure its true meaning and motive. But that was the man that I had been through thick and thin with, my best friend – the man that I know I can count on when all else fails…

 

“Coming!”

 

_Even if Phichit can’t save me from myself_

_He would still be my best friend_

_I trust him_

As I ran towards him, I took a stumble and fell, face down. My spectacles etched itself onto me, scratching and slightly out of shape. _Ouch, it hurts._ With my bearings under control, I heard footsteps approaching me as I flipped onto my back. Before I could open my eyes and face the world, I heard the insistent clicks of shutters.

_*Click*_

“Phichit! Do not dare upload that!”

Mustering all the fake anger I could gather towards his habit.

 

“Too late!”

Fighting back with his usual grin and a peace sign.

 

I grabbed his legs and toppled him over. Like a pair of kids that is barely pass the age of 8, we fooled around in the leaves, ignoring the shutters of the camera. I shall worry about that later. It has been a while since I managed to have this much fun, might as well enjoy it.

 

.....

 

“Just so you know, I blame you for ruining my eye-liner.”

He pouted with a childlike resemblance.

 

“Hmm, would a cup of pumpkin spice latte soothe you? Or a re-run of The Prince and The Skater?”

Grinning at the fake anger, I could feel his contemplations.

 

“Get me both and we will resume our best friend status.”

Baited!

 

“No dis – “

A hard stumble once more but not onto the hard floor, instead something soft.

 

I could feel the force and recoil of the unexpected bump as me and the other party took a few steps back. Once more, my spectacles scratched against the bridge of my nose as they moved out of their usual position. After adjusting and calming the overly worried Phichit, I looked towards the stranger that I knocked into.

Words of apology was on the tip of my tongue but…

 

“Ah! It is you!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I took off my spectacles as I cleaned them for the third time after reading the message that came in almost immediately after I sent mine… It read: Would you like to grab a cup of coffee?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phichit is so adorable in today's episode! Yurio is amazing. Otabek is a magician. Yuuri, Gambatte! Chris didn't come on ice today so please do not do so next week. JJ, your fiancee is a gem.
> 
> And my favourite scene:  
> "Yurio"  
> "Davai"

It was our usual banter with Yuri extremely agitated to most of my remarks and sensitive the ‘lewd’ stares from those who recognize me. Teasing my little brother never felt more satisfying until I was taken aback. Never have I thought that this would happen to me. Standing in front of me was an adorable cutie and not just any adorable cutie, he was –

 

_“N-nice to meet everyone! I will be replacing Seung Gil as your photographer for the day.”_

_With a stutter and a tight clench on the strap of his sling on, he avoided looking anyone in the eye._

_Meek – was the first impression. Clumsy was the next as I kept the adorable cameraman in sight. He tripped around and found it hard to look at anyone but his camera._

_I cannot blame him considering this is a nude spread. The flow of the images would start from clothed models to a slow strip tease. Those involved in the spread are in a somewhat decent attire moments before but as of now, most are wrapped in their respective bathrobes, prepping for their final reveal._

_With each article discarded, the meek bespectacled boy’s blush would deepen and by the end of the entire job, he looked as if he was ready to pass out._

_“He looks so timid, I can already imagine how decent his images would turn out to be. I do not look forward to much of a sales increase this month. Sighhh… Why did Seung Gil have to be absent?”_

_Gossip and belittling was common here but to have it aimed at the cameraman is rare._

_Everyone in the job while not necessary the top of their field, they are still incredible talented and smart. It sure is sad for our priced cameraman to be replaced by an amateur._

_What a poor kid._

That was what I thought back then until rumors came flying by that the magazine had to go for reprints a few days after. I had somehow managed to snatch a copy of the meek boy’s work and was I blown away.

Up first was our agency’s new and raising star. The kid was requested to sit on the bed with his lids half closed and lips slightly parted. Those innocent and enticing bed room eyes were so enthralling, fresh and surprising. It felt like a hidden potential was being unfolded before my very eyes. With each less article was the addition of a boosted sex appeal and confidence.

It was crazy. The way each model was angled and captured through the lens, gave them a new lease in life. Definitions in the right place, a slight cock of the hip or a slight hint of crave… Everything was just a screaming masterpiece.

Even Chris seemed to have experience a huge rise in fans. The way the camera had him show hints of self-pleasure; Chris was resting with his hips out and face smoldered against the comfy pillow. The side upward glance of invitation as Chris angled a slick black dildo in him from the back or the more fan favourite shoot of Chris on his back, eyes closed as if he was riding the high of his orgasm, a hand in sight covered in slick and his fluids – lost to the world around him.

If I weren’t so used to seeing Chris or had the precise control I am known for, I could feel myself popping a boner in the middle of the erotic section.

 

Seeing Chris had me imagine myself in his spot, to have the meek boy’s lens focused on me and only me… To have him capture all sides of me… Somehow I felt like monopolizing him. This growing interest of want and need of the meek boy’s attention and focus…

 

_It was that day where I came to know of the existence of Katsuki Yuuri._

Since that day, I regained my love and passion for the job. I wanted to be captured by Yuuri and only Yuuri.

 

_One day, I will formally introduce myself to him._

_One day, I will have him be my personal photographer._

_One day, I shall meet him and who knows… Something might happen._

_I just wish for that one day to turn this all around._

_Just that one day…_

However fate was not to be, for that magazine spread became his last published and credited work. The meek and adorably clumsy Katsuki Yuuri had vanished from the industry, leaving thousands stunned and unable to hit the standards he set.

Like his disappearance, I felt my passion drain once more and things went back to its usual routine – bleak and dull. Not even sex was able to reignite the passion, not anything was to be done.

 

Yet here he is, the man that I have been thinking and nursing my heart from, is standing right before my very eyes.

How could I have forgotten his rich chestnut orbs? I could get lost in them and never want to escape. To feel the warmth and glint, to just see my reflection reflected in his clear and innocent eyes… How could I have forgotten about his pale complexion? How he had a slight roundness to his face, making him appear years younger and so unduly adorable. I cannot believe how I have forgotten all the little details that I had managed to scrape from the memory of my first and last run in with him.

I could feel my heart sped up, beating from excitement, beating from anticipation. It felt unreal. It felt magical. It felt so alive. A smile was soon etched on my face as I lost all senses…

 

“Ah! It is you!”

The words escaped me before anything else did, before he could apologies.

.....

“Have we met?”

The longing and happiness that was radiating from the other man was odd. But I couldn’t keep my eyes off him.

Never have I seen such a work of art, so alive in the flesh. The way his natural greys was just shining against the setting autumn sun. I could feel his warmth and excitement. Out of habit, my eyes scanned his body and it felt like staring at a god. He was perfect. He is perfection.

Like sea of warmth, I felt it swarm through me. Anxieties from meeting a stranger were being quelled by this odd sense of happiness and excitement. _Why do I get the feeling that I have seen him before?_

 

 Just like that, the block that I was suffering from just fell.

 

“Hey, watch where you are going!”

A snarl from the blonde beauty beside.

 

“You were the ones who were hogging up the pathway. Mind your manners kiddo!”

I could feel irritation as Phichit had his phone on recording.

 

“Huh!? Hogging? Us? You – “

“Yuri that is enough.”

Firm and deep – bewitching.

 

“Come on Phichit, we are in the wrong too.”

I couldn’t help but follow.

 

He whined over the unfairness and fought for what he thought was right but there really isn’t one. Just apologise and move on. It is that simple. Move on and… bet my luck that I might one day come across this beauty once more.

My mind was set as I bowed my head out of habit while I muttered my apologies. The other man did the same and our eyes just never left the other. I could feel myself falling for those clear blue eyes. It felt like I was staring into the spring sky. Was all deities this unearthly?

My breath hitched as I fell further into his void. While his eyes were the only things I saw, I could see hints of loneliness and loss. Appealing and conflicting. Such grace and beauty…

My heart skipped a beat as I felt a thought. I wanted to know his name. I wanted to know who he is. This mystery that is decked and fleshed in front of me, I want to understand. This man, I want…

 

But just as I felt urge and need overwhelm me, I felt my usual anxiety tag along. Once more I felt a tug on my legs before it felt like weights attached. Despair should it be but shyness was what it turned. All the intense stares had me melting on the spot as butterflies flutter in me. I could feel my blush overtake my natural complexion as cold sweat appeared.

 

_I want his number._

_I want to get his name._

 

“Aa… Let’s go Phichit. Sorry once again.”

I felt my heart drop as the words spilt from my lips. _No, these are not the ones that I wanted to convey._

However words said cannot be taken back. The despair climbed as I tugged Phichit away from a one-sided battle with the other Yuri. My legs felt heavy. I want to leave and yet I want to stay. I want to – _There is no way he will actually want to know you._

_There is no way anything can happen. Just give up. Give up. Return back to your normal state. This happiness, it is not for you._

_There was no turning back. You do not deserve –_

“Wait!”

I felt his hand wrap around mine.

 

“May I have your number?”

His voice carried his anxiety and worry. _Maybe he is the same as me…_

“Sure! But before that, won’t it be proper to actually state your name first? His name is Katsuki Yuuri and I’m Phichit Chulanont! Both of you are?”

Like a saving grace, my best friend.

 

“Ah! Where are my manners? I am Victor Nikiforov and this is my little brother Yuri Plisetsky. Same mother, different father.”

A swooning grin and smile… My heart felt as if it was going to explode.

.....

“Yuuri, are you alright?”

His concerned tone and mothering will never get old. Really I am grateful.

 

“Want to have a movie marathon on The Prince and The Skater and its sequel before heading to the rinks?”

For once, I felt back to normal.

 

“Lets!”

He cheered as his smile dazzled around. Now that is the famous Instagram model – Phichit Chulanont.

.....

Like a deer caught in headlights, Yuri could not help but stay rooted in his corner as he saw his brother stone on the couch. It has been an hour since the meeting with the other Yuri and his friend. He had thought that the kid was a crazy fan who had realized that Victor was the famous man in porn, but it turns out that his worries were for nothing.

Although it still does not explain why or how that air-headed and always bored brother is pegged in a spot.

 

“You alive?”

No response from the corpse.

 

“Makkachin is slobbering all over your Dior coat.”

Still none. Well Victor should not get mad if he were to do this…

 

Mustering all the strength he had, he gave the older man a stomp on the back, forcing him to jerk from the pain. As if life had returned to the body, Victor jolted around only to be pelted by kicks from his kitten-like brother.

 

“Yuri, what should I do!? I finally have his number! How do I ask him out on a date?!”

Panic and disgrace written all over the grey-haired.

 

Regret was evident on Yuri’s face as it read: _I should have left you in your vegetative state._ Without a word, the younger teen just turned and left; leaving the older man frantic with worries and plagued with unwanted thoughts. _I’m so done._

.....

With shaky hands, I finally managed to type out the proper words. With a leap of faith, I pressed the ‘send’, watching as it counts down and I saw a tick replace the little clock at the corner.

Just as I sent out the message, I received one back… It read: _Would you be my muse?_

.....

I took off my spectacles as I cleaned them for the third time after reading the message that came in almost immediately after I sent mine… It read: _Would you like to grab a cup of coffee?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's episode has me dread next week's one. Not because of the angst, no I have faith in Kubo-san. I have absolute faith in them remaining together. But more because next week is the last episode.
> 
> I have no idea how i will survive without YOI...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 at the café down the street?

_12 at the café down the street?_

_Fine by me. See you there!_

_~~~_

1145 XX September

It was the first week into fall or better yet autumn. In a couple of months, it would be winter and then the start of a new year. So beautiful, so surreal, so lovely… With a hint of melancholy in the air and the essence of life oozing out from every direction, this feels like the season of love. Cliché yet there is no way of denying. Fall is a season of warmth. Autumn is the season of rain. It is the season of you.

 

With 15 minutes to spare, I could only wait anxiously. This was my usual café, a 10 minute walk from my apartment. On quiet days, I would pop by for a long morning caffeine drop with Makkachin. On busy days, I would just grab a cup and go. Sometimes I drop by just to annoy my little brother, who works part-time here, just for the heck of it.

This is store ran by an ex veteran in the field who also hires retirees or ‘has been’ of the adult industry. A bustling café on its best days and meek on others. Today was a quiet day. There were no appointments, no filming needed. The café is slow and most of the people around are regulars. Yuri is not around, apparently he went out with his newest friend; Otabek.

As I sat and wondered:

Had I been younger, looking at them go about with their business would feel like a countdown to my own deadline. A deadline that at least won’t be in the near future. So close yet so far… ‘ _Not yet’ – I would have said…_ But now, it just makes me feel so welcome and safe. It seems as if I have an option, an income should I ever want to leave.

The future just seems so bleak –

 

“Ah! You are early! I am so sorry, did you have to wait long?”

An anxious and haggard voice broke my thoughts.

 

1148 XX September – my watch says.

“Aa-N-No! Not at all for I just arrived here!”

_What am I doing? Why am I stuttering?_

Standing in front of me with a sling on camera was him, the man of my dreams, my aspirations. Donning a light blue that seems to fall on the turquoise, with a plain stripped shirt, followed by a pair of sinful skinny jeans and black converse… This boy is as much of a sinner as he is cute. _Control yourself, Victor. Control. What ever happened to lasting for 4 rounds and more?_

Easier said than done. Try seeing this walking cutie with those blue spectacles framing his face, making him look underage. That widespread blush, his curves and those lean legs… _Control Victor Nikiforov. You are the most sought after man, stop trying to undress that innocent teen with your eyes. Those legs might seem suitable to choke you but you are in a respectable public area, get your head out of the gutter!_

 

“Umm… Shall we take a seat?”

He fidgeted on the spot, eyes occasionally glancing into mine as his shy side took over.

 

_I want to kiss him so bad…_

 

“Ah! Where are my manners? L-let’s seat.”

_Good going dude. I can’t believe I didn’t manage to introduce myself the first time we met and I didn’t offer him to sit on the second meeting. What ever happened to my charm?_

.....

He looks so cool. With his layering and style, that combination of brown and beige, looks wonderful on him. The undershirt feels like it was a tight fit while the hoodie was loose, to emphasize his lean and sculpted body. The brown coat gave it all a flair of color while harmonizing everything.

As my eyes trailed along his body, I caught the sight of his tight and form fitting jeans. The way the fabric wraps around those lean and long legs is so sinful that it has my heart doing cartwheels. This air of nonchalance and confidence that only he could pull off is incredible.

_Truly a walking piece of work._

As I sat down, I could not keep my eyes away from him. There was something about him that just prevented me from looking away. The way his lashes flutter when he blinks, the way he sits in absolute authority and how his eyes, those cerulean blue orbs are staring back me. This fully undivided attention that I am having from this air of a god… Feels so surreal, so unbelievable and so calming.

However I was too pre-occupied and overwhelmed by his presence, an awkward silence loomed after. _What do I say? How does one actually start a conversation? Words? Will he understand what I say?_

 

“A-aa… I’m Yuuri. G-glad to meet you.”

Cold sweat was perspiring down me as my mentality took a quick dive down panic and anxiety. _What am I to say in front of this holy being?_

“Hi! My name is Victor Nikiforov! Nice to meet you, Yuuri~”

A smile and a wink was thrown so casually in my direction. _This is bad for my heart._

“I am glad that you agreed to meet me after what happened yesterday. I hope I didn’t scare you.”

That absolute confidence but unknowing jab towards my mess and blunder the day before… _How am I going to recovery my image?_

“A-aa n-no! I-I mean, I should be the one who is glad that you are willing to meet me. I was the one who bumped into you. It must have set us on the wrong foot. I hope that this café would be to your liking. The coffee here is one of my favourite and must have…”

I could hear my voice trail down to a low whisper as anxiety became my primary mental state. _Ahhh this is so embarrassing!_

_What am I to do? How am I to salvage? What should I say?_

As I started to fret and fidget on the spot, I could feel the silence engulf us once more. The once dispelled awkward cloud loomed over us once more as the conversation died down. _Say something. He is getting bored of this date, this place, and especially you. Just a word will do, any word, just squeak out a word._

“I-I…”

Nothing. I could words clinging to the tip of my tongue but none were willing to roll of. I closed my mouth once more before trying again. Like the first time, there was nothing. No words, not even a sound. I froze as I felt my nerves tightening. My body is so rigid that I can’t feel myself. It feels as if I am about to explode, I am about to lose it. _Deep breathes…Deep Breathes… In, out. In, out._

_I cannot freak out._

 

In Out

In Out

 

I closed my eyes as I regained control over my heartbeat, over my breathing, over my nerves. Even though I could still feel the tension, somehow I managed to calm down. _Was it thanks to his presence? Just this silent atmosphere between us, is it trying to break me or fix us?_

“See…”

Eh? Was he talking the entire time?

 

“Sorry, I didn’t manage to catch what you –“

My words died down as I just quietly stared at Victor once more. He was beaming a smile; so dazzling, so seductive. With his head cocked to a sight and eyes glancing from me to the scenery outside, the way his arms are folded so gracefully on the table top beside the still warm coffee…

Dazed, I unconsciously lifted my camera. With my eyes staring at his every movements through the viewfinder, I mindlessly clicked on the shutter release. Shoots after shoots of the same man in the same position with an expression that varied after each release. I could feel my heart getting captured as my camera burned the moment onto film.

The way the light accentuates his beauty, the way his hair and cerulean orbs glistens, the way his body moves… Just as how I am being enchanted by the sight, I knew my camera was too – preserving and collecting.

Satisfied with the number of images taken, I relaxed my position as I covered the lens. With a swipe, I started screening through the images. Each and every image might look the same but each told a different story. The lighting in each is ever so slightly different. One had more white focus while another was less focused. But yet despite it all, there is no denying of Victor’s beauty. So timeless and effortless.

I smiled at each shot, feeling pride and confidence swelling from how crisp the images turned out to be. Satisfied with my screening, I looked up, only to find that the seat opposite me was empty.

Staring at that empty spot felt like I was being stabbed. The stale air that carried of nothing but loneliness and abandonment. I could feel my smile drop as my vision became fuzzy. _What was I thinking? That Victor would put up with my silence? That he would understand me? That we could have been friends?_

Guilt and sadness gripped me. But before I could do anything, I felt a warm gust of breathe near my face.

 

“Wow! Yuuri, is that me? Your skills are amazing!”

I glanced to my right to see him hovering beside me and staring at the display screen of my camera.

 

_To-too close!_

A fierce blush broke out as I tried to jump from the close proximity of him. _What should I do?_

“A-aa-ah! This is a bad habit of mine. An occupational hazard I guess. I’ve been studying photography for most of my life that I end up carrying my camera with me most of the time. When I do bring my camera along, I can’t help but want to capture the things that I like…”

Once again I droned on till my voice became a whisper.

“Do you mind? I-I can delete them if you…”

Victor will say that he wants them deleted and all those lovely images will be gone, lost in the endless flow of time. I cast my eyes down onto the floor as I tried to convince myself: _This is not a waste. This is an act of priva –_

“No. I do not mind because I was hoping if I could have some of them. I am tired of trying endlessly to get my perfect selfie. Trying to get the perfect lighting is just so hard these days with all the artificial lights that disrupt my style.”

He started to nag about lighting and balance as he returned to his seat. An unusual scowl as he complained about yuri’s taste in animal print fashion.

 

_Amusing!_

I could not help but laugh and feel the stress from before unwind. Being with him somehow just feels so calming and relaxing. It feels like we could just sit here all day and talk for days on end without the conversation dying out. _Haha, irony._

“You are finally smiling.”

Eh? Surprised, I glanced in his direction and our eyes met. Caught in a sea of cerulean, I felt lost and bewitched. I could see the numerous emotions flow through them; happiness, warmth, enjoyment, pleasure. In those clear cerulean eyes, I could see myself reflected in them. Those clear and sparkling eyes are reflecting me. Makes me wonder, what am I reflecting?

“So, you want me to be your muse?”

He smirked as he leant towards me.

 

“Y-yeah. I am in a slump at the moment because I have arrangements to release a photobook by the end of fall. But I have yet to come up with my theme nor do I know what is it that I want the book to focus on. I felt down and was just randomly snapping images to meet the deadline. Until I met you… I-I…”

I could feel the blush that had just subsided, fight its way back onto my face.

“I-I felt this wave of colors from you. S-so I was wondering if you could be my muse. N-no-not to say I will constantly photograph you but I have a feeling that by being beside you, I will be able to see the world in a new light.”

I felt my confidence swell as I pushed to convey my thoughts. _I hope he does not reject me._

 

“…”

In response, he just stared back at me in silence, contemplating.

 

“It is alright to reject. This is a hard decision I understand. To document your own life is one thing. To have someone do it, must be hard – “

 

“How about I become your exclusive model instead of being just your muse? How about that Yuuri?”

His face lit up at that thought and I felt myself melt.

 

“Yeah.”

In that midst of the excitement, I could feel my heart skip a beat as I immerse myself in a feeling other than anxiety. A feeling that I used to feel when I held my camera; enthusiasm, inspiration, elation.

_I can’t wait to start!_

~~~

XX September, 1314

It was autumn, just barely a week in. Within a blink of an eye, it will be winter and soon the end of the year. A miracle, a wonder, an eye-opener. With death ever so common and the trees at full bloom, this feels like a season of magic and illusion. It is the season of which Mother Nature dolls up to look her best. Majestic and all, Fall is the season of rain. Autumn is a season of warmth. It is the season when I met you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter is not confusing considering how my style is often so different. There seems to not be a problem but i hope victor doesn't seem too OOC... 
> 
> worries of an author... oh although by the way, most of my works are un-beta. I hope there are no major errors...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally spilled tea on his leopard print undies. Yuuri, how do I remove it? Help!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am honestly still crying over the ending of YOI each and everytime i replayed it. It was not perfect, but I was not looking for a closure. The show was meant to end in a way, but it didn't. I kind of expected it but was actually still satisfied based on the reasoning of the new ending. Besides, it gave me something to look forward to!
> 
> I know I am a day late? and I promised to complete this by the time YOI ends BUT yeah, it might take a while. Fandoms do not die once the show ends, do they? Haha i do not know, you decide. But for now, thank you for reading this! Enjoy!

3 days since the pair last met, autumn entered its second week. With a more obvious gradient of greens to yellows to reds, the scenery was becoming mellow and lively. The winds were picking up speed as they brought cool to the land and carried away the rest.

Since their date, Victor has been in constant contact with Yuuri. Occasional selfies at the break of dawn while he lounges on bed to selfies on how he managed to ruffle Yuri’s feathers. It is an amazing feat to see how he had managed to irritate Yuri to the point that every picture has him glowing as bright as a jack-o-lantern.

 

 _‘I accidentally spilled tea on his leopard print undies. Yuuri, how do I remove it? Help!’_ – was the latest in a span of 3 days.

 

 _He never fails to amaze me. There is a limit to how much one can irritate another without guns and knives involved. I wonder how Yuri managed put up with him till now._ Yuuri could not help but grin as he stared at the caption of the attached image while in a half dazed state.

Victor, as he has learnt, is an early riser who would be up at the very crack of dawn while Yuuri enjoys to laze until half past 10. Phichit is never up earlier than 12 and Yuri just seems to be never up unless its 2 in the afternoon.

However that day was different.

0945 – His clock read.

Yuuri groaned as he glared at it intensively in hopes to set his clock on fire. He would be having a photoshoot of Phichit later in the day so it was way too early for him to be up especially when he went to bed at 3 in the morning. _I do not think I can make it. It is barely 10 in the morning. It rained the night before. The wind is on full blast outside. It is cold. It is wet. I do not want to leave this warm cocoon of heaven._

Just as adamant Yuuri was about leaving his bed before half past 10, his clock started its insistent ringing. Even with Yuuri hitting snooze after snooze, the alarm was tenacious in forcing Yuuri out. Not to mention, Victor was not helping his case. The older man had apparently left for his job even before Yuuri’s alarm woke him up.

Excited and enthusiastic with a hint of melancholy, loneliness and despair from time to time was Victor’s mood in the morning so far. As a punishment for ignoring him the night before, Victor had taken the initiative to photograph his journey. All those images of the dogs that Victor had encountered on his way to work, all those breathtaking scenery captured with an unfocused lens, Yuuri could feel the universe nagging. _Get out of bed, it says._

_Fine. In return for allying against me, I guess I shall just reply Victor after I get my daily dose of caffeine._

No later than 10, Yuuri was up and out. Huddled in his signature brown down jacket and blue scarf, Yuuri trotted down to his favorite café. In another 4 days, it would his and Victor’s weekly meet up.

~~~

_“How about I become your exclusive model instead of being just your muse?! How about that Yuuri?”_

_His face lit up at that thought and I felt myself melt._

_“Yeah.”_

_In that midst of the excitement, I could feel my heart skip a beat as I immerse myself in a feeling other than anxiety. A feeling that I used to feel when I held my camera; enthusiasm, inspiration, elation._

_I can’t wait to start!_

~~~

 

Even though I was excited about working with Victor, I never thought that it would really happen. Even till now, it felt like a dream. A long and never ending dream. It felt like one where I would wake up at any moment and Phichit will tell me to forget about it. _It is not real, it will never come true. Stop wasting time fantasizing about things that are out of reach._

But things just never seem to proceed the way they are intended to.

~~~

_“How about we meet each other at least twice a week. If possible, I would like to be beside you every day but both of us are busy. I am exceptionally busy this coming week. What should we do?”_

_Words laced with worry as he tried to conjure up a plan_

_“How about- “_

_“I got it! Yuuri, let’s meet every Friday of the week for now! When my schedule is cleared and yours too, let’s go on dates and meet at least twice a week!”_

_He exclaimed with his optimism and fury._

~~~

I can fret and panic but somehow it will not change the way things are turning out. To be able to have Victor acknowledge me or to even know my name, I can feel this warmth bubbling deep within me. I just can’t calm down. My insides are doing cartwheels, my palms are slightly sweating and my smile is not fading.

 

Victor Nikiforov, this walking divinity, is willing to be my exclusive model!

 

With a skip in his step and a bright grin, Yuuri felt giddy in his steps as he neared the café. As he stares at his constantly vibrating phone, as he stares at Victor’s quirky remarks and images, Yuuri felt truly blessed and so alive. _I guess if Leo were to be here, he would quote “Every day I sing, the brotherhood of man, how grateful it is we’re still alive.” His love and passion for that song can rival that of Phichit’s._

With a slight grimace, Yuuri continued his way. Immersed in his thoughts and the constantly updates of Victor’s journey, Yuuri failed to notice a tall and striking blond figure leaving the café just moments before he entered.

That familiar and striking blond however caught sight. With his sunglasses tipped to a corner for better vision, the blond smirked before heading on his way. _What a discovery~_

.....

 

‘Yuuri, why are you ignoring me!? (´;︵;`)’ – The 101th message sent within the span of an hour and half.

 

The day had seemed to start on the right end. With the sun blazing brightly and having met more than 5 dogs on the way to his agency, Victor was in a pleasant mood. Not even the wet dreams and morning wood he has been experiencing as of late, could turn his mood sour.

~~~

_“Mmm…”_

_A flicker, a light touch, could be felt against his back. Those slightly icy fingers trailed a cube of ice down the spine, going in circles down the lower back before being lifted off his cheeks._

_In response to the cold touch, he shivered and arced his back while unconsciously thrusting his bottom higher and higher into the air. Pulling against his restraints, Victor couldn’t help but bit his lips as he felt his moans escape. He was feeling extremely embarrassed by the uncharacteristic whimpers and pleas._

_Even in his many years as an adult film actor, Victor had never felt the anticipation or the frustration of being teased. Even when he had to do related films, it was as an obligation, masked with fear and innocence. He was never really interested in such plays, maybe except for cross-dress and dress-ups._

_As the area that has been chilled become more sensitive to the warmth of another body, Victor struggled against his restraints before feeling a chaste kiss near his creak. Jerking, Victor whimpered._

_“I want more… Please… give me more…”_

_Angling his head to look at the figure looming behind him, the silhouette was not one that he was familiar with. It was not Chris nor was it any of his partners. A lean, and slender body that is soft to the touch._

_With his slick back raven locks and a baby face, those lust hazy eyes and the lick of his slightly plump lips, I realized who it was._

_His fingers traced along the curve of my spine before down the creak of my parted cheeks. With a light trail around my rim, he teased me once more as he kept lightly caressing the area that has been coated in lube and slightly stretched from the night before._

_Shivering in anticipation, I thrusted my ass to have it slip in me. As if he could read my mind, Yuuri trailed his fingers away from the puckering hole down to my balls. Even with such teasing and light strokes, I could feel myself on the verge._

_There was no harsh tugs on my member, there was not warmth encasing it, and there was nothing stimulating my prostate. Everything that I would do to bring pleasure and push my film partners down the edge or that would be done to me, Yuuri did nothing of the sorts._

_Yet I knew I was about to cum. If he were to stroke me, even just a light peck, I knew I was ready to cum. Just a little more, from this humiliation which I cannot deny I love._

_Just as I was craving for that touch, just as my aching and leaking member protested at the neglect, he withdraw completely. His hands left my body and I felt the bed shift. Whining once more, I turned to give him a glare at leaving me hanging but I saw him just sitting beside. Leaning his body towards me, I felt his breath against my ears as he whispered:_

_‘What a sensitive body. Are you sure you are most sought after adult film actor? All I can see is a virgin, tied up on my bed. What an irony.’_

_With a nib on my earlobe, he gave it a lick before nuzzling against my face. Peppering kisses along my neck and onto my back I felt his warm pants and gasp as he controlled himself from ravishing me. With his parted lips, I saw him mouth his dirty talk._

_I saw. The words were starting to get fuzzy as…_ I felt a heavy weight on my face, pulling me out from my dream.

 

Makkachin had sprawled himself against my face on accident and was none the wiser to the erotic dream I was experiencing. Irritated, I pet Makkachin’s back to get her to move aside. With a huge boner and a soiled bedsheets, I took a glance at my phone.

 _5.45am –_ It says. Oh jolly.

Groaning, Victor tried to calm himself but it was not working as he could still feel the after effects. The light touches, the devious whispers… If only it were the real thing. _How have I sunk this low? This man will be the death of me, literally. With his bubble butt and those lean but yet soft body of his… Gosh, save me._

~~~

Even as I had whined in the ungodly hours of the morning, I could not stop smiling. Somehow the meek and amazing photographer, that I had set my sights on since forever, is growing onto me. I could feel those innocent feelings in the past – my awe and respect for his work – morph into indescribable and unfamiliar feelings.

These feelings were making me feel warm on this chilly morning, as I headed to a new filming site. These feelings were making me excited as I started to count down the hours to our next meet up. These feelings are just so overwhelming that I can’t help but add a spring to my every step.

Everything just felt so right at the moment.

 

 _‘As usual you are too energetic for me at 1030 in the morning. What would you have done if I was not awake this morning?’ – 1027 –_ the message reads.

‘I would have given you a morning call filled with love and affection! \\(*´♡｀*)/’

 _‘Then I would gladly take your 180 messages. Just had my morning coffee.’ – An image was attached –_ Phichit was the one who took the picture as Yuuri was sitting silently by the window with his handy camera and coffee.

 

This is too cute! How is Yuuri able to be so picture perfect and still have that sense of adorability!? Makes me just want to kiss those lips – _Wait what?_ Images from the morning earlier started to flood Victor’s mind. Unconsciously, he glanced down his robes to see a slight tent as he remembered the wet dream. _Yuuri…_ With a tired sigh, Victor could not wait till the end of the shoot to at least entertain his thoughts alone, in bed while recalling Yuuri’s sweet voice.

_So much for feeling invincible today…_

 

.....

 

In the blink of an eye, the week was almost ending. On the flipside, it just meant that the day of meeting was drawing closer. Without any accidental meetings, just day-to-day texts exchanged between the two. Some be sweet and flirty, some be sassy and quirky. They conversed like longtime friends with frequent hijacks by Phichit to send as much unglamorous shots of Yuuri.

~~~

 _‘Here, I managed to snuck his phone away while naps. Here, a teaser~’ –_ Attached was an image of Yuuri drooling with his mouth wide open. It was definitely unlike all the images he had received from the duo on Yuuri and the images that Phichit posts on Instagram on a daily basis.

Yet no matter the image or side of Yuuri is shown through the images, Victor just basks in them.

‘Haha! This must be his worse face. Late night? If he sees this, he will kill you Phichit. ( n ♡ n )’ – _Image has been successfully saved to folder: Yuuri_ _♡♡_ _(1225 images)_

~~~

Soon, it was just counting down the mere hours left…

~~~

_Shall we meet at the café? \\(*´♡｀*)/_

_Sure, see you in 5!_

_Ah, how about the park?_

_The weather is too nice to be indoors._

_Why not?_

_See you in 10! \\(*´♡｀*)/_

~~~

The park it was. Just like how he was in the morning, giddy and still in the state of disbelief, Yuuri trudged along the leaf cluttered streets. Autumn seemed to be his favorite season with the cooling winds, warm lighting and picturesque view. Even the stale and merciless air felt alive.

But how can anything not feel alive? It has been just barely a week since Yuuri last met Victor. Despite having constant contact with him, Yuuri could not help but feel lonely. It was as if a part of him was missing. Texting was nothing compared to being able to see Victor in the flesh and talking to him face to face.

Never had he thought that he would open up to Victor so easily.

At the start there were some complications. Yuuri had avoided all conversations in regards to relationships. He was unable to bear his heart out to a guy who he just met. He did not dare reveal his shortcomings to the man that he sees as a god-like figure. He did not dare…

Until… He felt his anxiety broke that day.

 

 

It was midweek when he woke up lethargic. It was a morning like every other. By 1030, he would be out of his room, relaxing by the couch with his first cup of coffee or heading out to the café for it. Victor was, unusually, not up yet. He had spent the night before ‘drowning his sorrows with alcohol after Yuuri sassed him for the 101th time’ as quote.

However, just as he approached the café, he caught the sight of sneers being thrown in his direction. Brushing them aside, he entered the café only to have one of those men trip him.

As expected, Yuuri fell on his face. While he was getting up, he felt a slap against his ass. The slap then turned into a groping session as he jerked away from their touches. _No._ Yet despite his strong refusal, two of them held onto his wrists before tugging him to the side. _No!_ _Not again._ He glanced around – _Someone, anyone! –_ Only to stop short as he realized that there was no one at the counter at the moment.

Help was not coming. No one would help him, not this piggy it seems. With those dangerous and lecherous looks the trio was shooting him, Yuuri could feel his bile up his throat as it froze on him. _Call for help! Shout! Say something!_  

Yuuri’s eyes darted around for a weapon as his brain went into overdrive to conjure up a plan. _The chair? That cup? What can I use?_

 

I do not want them to have their way. Not again… For once, I finally have someone to keep this body for, I should really protect it. So please help me. Anything will do. I do not want to relive those days anymore. No! Someone, help!

 

With his frantic thoughts and struggle to resist the hands that are trailing along his sides and under his jersey top. He could feel the itch and dirt that those touched left on his skin.

“He is shivering! He must be as sensitive as the rumors say!” – No this is wrong! _This is not the touch that I crave._

“Gosh this is hot! To see the rumored dark-horse in our hands. Can you imagine the pleasure and cash we can milk off him?” – No, he cannot mean… _No! Anything but that!_

 

Fight, I need to fight. If I were to spot even the slightest chance, I need to push my way through and leave. I need to leave. If not… _If not…_ The thought paralyzed me as I could practically remember everything, from start to finish, all for that extra cash. _No! Please, someone! Victor… Victor, save –_

“Oi, what are you guys doing?! Let him go at once!” – The voice boomed through the snarky remarks and uncomfortable silence. It was the owner.

 Startled by the sudden shout, their grip loosened. Taking the chance, Yuuri raced out of the café despite hearing the store-owner call after him. _Run away. Get as far as you can without looking back. Run… Run!_

Yuuri ran, only stopping in the comforts of his shared apartment. With all the strength he could muster, he slammed the door before heading to the showers, stripping along the way. _I can still feel their disgusting caress and those sloppy kisses. I can still feel their presence near me. I feel so dirty, so disgusting._

He scrubbed his skin until they turned bright red and hurt under the cold shower. He scrubbed to rub their graze off. He scrubbed to rub their scent off. He scrubbed to simply forget and erase them from his thoughts.

Even as scrubbed, he could still remember. All his locked up tension, anxiety and guilt came rushing forward. He became hunched from the pressure as he curled into a ball. It was an attempt to hide, an attempt to protect his remaining dignity and purity.

The grave regret he felt for letting things happen… _Just let me forget it already. I want nothing more than to just forget and move on. I do not want to remember their caress. I do not want to remember their degrading words. Most importantly, I do not want to remember how I had reacted to them even if it were all under the influence of drugs._

No…No… Please…

 

A low but persistent buzzing was heard amongst my messy thoughts. It signaled a phone call.

 

‘H-hello?’ A pathetic cry instead of my usual sass.

‘Yuuri! Guess what did Yuri – Is something wrong?’ He noticed…

‘Nothing… Nothing…’ A whisper that barely echoed louder than the splashed made by the shower.

‘Yuuri.’ The way my name rolls off his tongue, the way his thick Russian accent is coated over my name…

 

Like no other key, it had me spilling what happened early before. I started to sniffle before I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. I was brawling my eyes out as I heard his deep and comforting voice through the phone.

 

‘I wish I could be there beside you, Yuuri.’

‘I wish that too, Victor.’

 

Just like that, he leant me a shoulder, and I let him in. For the one that was willing to meet me halfway, I should be willing to do the same. _Even if it will take some time before I tell him the truth._

 

 

Now, things have changed. _At least for the better._

With him wrapped him his thoughts once more, Yuuri did not notice the figure looming behind. At least till he felt a weight against his back. The force of the weight and the suddenness of the impact had Yuuri buckle his knees, sending both of them tumbling to the ground.

 

“Phichit! What are you doing!?” – Feeling the familiar weight against my back, I let out a chuckle as I pouted.

 

“Playing a prank! It has been ages since I last did this! Yuuri, you are still as soft as ever!” – A blinding smile to side pass the remark.

 

Now all that is left is: _Sulky victor?_

.....

“Yuuri, why do I not get a hug? Do I not mean anything to you?” – Victor stood by the two fallen bodies as he tried to focus on everything except how Yuuri was lying on top of Phichit. The way that body was bending and flexing. The angle that showed off his perfect bubble butt…

Victor could not help but sulk. _I wanted to be the one to tackle Yuuri. Phichit, you little snitch…_

 

“You aren’t going to help me up?” With a light giggle and an affectionate smile, I felt myself melt in his presence before unconsciously reaching out. As he grasped it, an idea hatched.

Using the force and weight to support Yuuri as he untangled from Phichit and got up, I tugged against his arm. This forced him to turn and land safely, against my chest. From a corner, I shot Phichit a smug as I pulled Yuuri closer into me. _Beat that, eyeliner model!_

Even as I side-eyed Phichit, I pulled Yuuri closer into my arms. As if this was the most natural thing to do, I closed my eyes, inhaling his scent and appreciating the way Yuuri fits perfectly in my arms. _I never want to let go… Not even when he is a blushing mess~_

.....

As the two idiots embraced and became caught up in their little circle of happiness, neither noticed the model taking shots after shots before smirking at their adorable interactions.

_The internet will love this!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to binge YOI once more, as if i have not watched the entire series a gazillion times, including the pair skate... It is so beautiful that I still cry as I feel their love for each other... 
> 
> YOI is such a blessing to us!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just like that, autumn went by a week at a time. From the second week to the 3rd, 4th, 5th… Just like the season, their relationship blossomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Happy New Year!!
> 
> Have fun reading!! Thank you for your support!!  
> So glad that people actually enjoy this story despite its slow pace.

Just like that, autumn went by a week at a time. From the second week to the 3rd, 4th, 5th… Just like the season, their relationship blossomed. A step at a time. From weekly meet-ups, to frequent run-ins at the cafes and now, an almost daily meet-up.

Yuuri could be heading to the café for a cup and he would just happen to run into Victor. Victor could be dropping Yuri off at the café, only to run into Yuuri who was doing simple jogs around the neighborhood.

Slowly, but surely… There wasn’t even an end to their daily text habits.

For two people who had met a couple of weeks before, you would think that they would not be this stuck to the other. In the case of Yuuri and Victor… Well their day starts n ends with the other.

Yuuri’s day starts with a simple good morning text in reply to Victor’s occasional _‘I woke up this way’_ selfie spam. Victor would go to bed humming as he received Yuuri’s nightly _‘editing sucks’_ emoji rant.

Simple things that add up. Both were trying to meet each other halfway. Simple gestures, simple messages; _‘I never knew you were such a drama queen’,_ simple things.

Both seemed to feel a connection unlike no other.

 

Yuuri was a reserved person, strong-willed, hard headed but extremely shy and anxiety-ridden. Unable to come to terms with himself and especially hard on himself when he is unable to hit his own expectations. His confidence normally plummets as a result of his own self-critique. A never ending feud that can only be settled by him and only him. Yet when he is in his element, he simply forgets and really many would argue that he is _the_ best.

When he first met Victor, it was like becoming a whole. Not instantly but gradually. He felt this spark, this connection. Like a sea of warmth, having his anxieties slowly quelled by the odd sense of happiness and excitement. Missing Victor on days when they do not meet.

 

Phichit calls it: Soulmates.

 

Having a separate entity that actually makes up as 1. When together, forms a complete whole. Someone who is so ready to open up to him, so ready to embrace who he is without any rejection. Someone is was made for him, and only him. Soulmates may not always end up together. They might be friends, besties, or just enemies but this bond, this feeling…

It is so warm and _scary._

 

Yuuri has never felt a connection so strong. He has never wanted a man as much as he wants Victor. He is afraid. He has so many things that he has yet to tell Victor. He won’t be able to handle the rejection that comes when Victor finally knows the truth.

He knows that Victor has his past and things that he wants to keep a secret. Yuuri knows that there are questions that he is not supposed to ask. Even though he lusts to know more about the other, but he doesn’t inquires because he trusts Victor. He knows that Victor will tell him eventually.

_Just like how Yuuri too, has yet to say much._

With each and every day spent beside Victor, September was over in a flash and now it was the middle of October. In a few weeks, it would be Halloween before Thanksgiving. Before we all knew it, it would be the end of fall and the beginning of winter, it would soon be the deadline for the release of the photobook.

 

_Are people even anticipating my release especially since I have gone on such a long hiatus?_

_Would people even understand what I am trying to convey? Would Victor understand? What would people think, to have such a godly character captured through the eyes of an amateur…?_

_What if someday before the release, Victor realizes just how much of a mess I am… What if he just breaks our agreement?_

_What if… What if? For the sake of Victor, for the sake of the man that is currently taking time off to be with me, I cannot let him down…_

_I cannot let Victor be ashamed of the final product. I cannot…_

_I cannot…_

.*.*.

“Welco-Ah Yuuri! Back so soon? Victor is not here yet, would you like to get your usual first?” Mira greeted joyously and skipped to the back before Yuuri could even reply.

“Thanks Mira!” was all he could exclaim in reply to the excitement of the waitress.

It is a peaceful morning as he sat in wait for his first cup of the day.

 

“Here you go, katsudon.” Yuri slammed the cup down, miraculously avoiding spilling a single drop.

“Good morning to you too, Yurio!” Yuuri felt light flutters as he greeted the ever so energetic teen.

“Like I said for the thousandth time. That is not my name!” He burst out in frustration, exclaiming his name in proud Russian while the entire café just laughed at his gimmick.

It had been a week since Yurio gained that nickname.

 

_“Yuuri, guess what!” Victor exclaimed in his usual exuberant fashion, lightly dancing towards the brunet in his uniform. He had just started working at the café full time and was dying to share the news with Yuuri. He had withheld the information from their messages and even social media. However the response was not one that he had expected._

_“Which Yuri?” Both Yuri s had replied and were now staring at the hyperactive Russian._

_“Oh! I forgot! We have yet to find a way to distinguish how to call you. How about we call Yuri, Yurio! That would makes things easier!” Victor exclaimed gathering an almost immediate agreement from everyone around._

_“Huh!? Why are I called Yurio? Why not some other name? I was here first!”_

_“Yuuri is older.” Mira replied instead of the silver-haired waiter. “Besides, I quite like the name! Don’t you Yuuko?”_

_“I like that name too!” Yuuko, like the angel she was, nodded in agreement and beamed._

_Unable to handle her smile and sparkles, Yurio could only grudgingly accept the name as everyone laughed at his shy antics._

“Where is your brother? His shift is starting soon.” Yuuri asked in genuine concern after the missing Russian.

“He overslept. He had to deal with some loose ends from his previous jobs so he returned late as a result. That old man can’t stay up past midnight on most nights and he arrived home at 2 in the morning. You can imagine how exhausted he would be had he woken on time.” Yurio explained in a concerned tone.

It was obvious that he had allowed his brother to sleep in, opting to come in early to take over Victor’s shift.

Yuuko and Mira overheard the conversation and cooed at the boy’s intentions. Flustered by the affection that both females were giving him, Yurio stomped into the kitchen.

At the adorable sight, Yuuri prompted into action, clicking on the shutter release. Capturing image after image of the flustered blond and everyone in the café. It was peaceful and radiant except something felt out of place.

 

_Something felt missing…_

 

Upon realizing who he had been missing, Yuuri giggled. _I hope Victor arrives soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been extremely busy.  
> With 2 reports due tomorrow and another on Friday, presentations after presentation next week and a few other more project deadlines...  
> I have absolutely no idea when will i make time out to write.  
> For now, i managed to abandon my studies to write this short chapter.
> 
> But it seems like this story is not progressing as well as i want it to.   
> I will try my best and continue once my deadlines are over. 
> 
> Hope this short chapter would be enough, i know it is irresponsible of me but just hold on abit longer, i promise things will get better.
> 
> I have a couple of surprises lined up and i will get to them soon!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are most welcomed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am assuming that I am the hot mess?” Yuuri remarks at the caption.
> 
> “Keep flattering yourself.” Phichit snarled before drowning the bitter concoction Yuri had placed on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, an update after 2 weeks? 3? I lost count for I had been extremely busy.  
> I had managed to squeeze out time this weekend to write the chapter because Inspiration. 
> 
> A quick chapter which I hope is not to long and naggy~ I tried my best so I hope that you would all enjoy reading it!

Not a second too late, by the time Yuuri had drowned his first cup, the chimes of the door alerted everyone in the café. In a stream of ‘Welcome’ and smiles, came snorts and snickers.

Instead of a familiar grey tuft, it was that of straight black locks. A haggard and drowsy tanned Thai came stumbling in. Despite his rough and mismatched appearance, his winged eyeliner was still on point.

“I want your strongest coffee. Thanks, Mira.” Phichit slumped on the sit by Yuuri who was watching everything with an amusing smirk.

“I am ruined. Ruined I tell you! How did I manage to stumble out of the house looking a hot mess?!” Phichit groaned and laid his face onto the table in exasperation.

“Well your eyeliner is still on point.” Yuuri commented at the familiar sight.

With a sigh, Phichit flashed his phone, got up and slumped against Yuuri’s back. With an angle in place, he hid his face in Yuuri’s own mess of locks before snapping an image.

 

**‘I may be a hot mess but my eyeliner will always be on point.’**

“I am assuming that I am the hot mess?” Yuuri remarks at the caption.

“Keep flattering yourself.” Phichit snarled before drowning the bitter concoction Yuri had placed on the table.

.*.*.

A morning like no other; Mira is stationed behind the cashier instead of being allowed to make her rounds on the floor, Yuri is currently stuck fixing a new batch of beans while Yuuko was cleaning the area instead of taking over Yuri’s job of the day.

Had Victor be there, he would have been able to take Yuuri’s order and maybe even see the brunette’s love-struck face – as Phichit called it.

But there was nothing anyone could do to make the man that is still nesting at home to appear out of thin air.

Feeling the usual ache in chest, Yuuri adjusted his camera to capture shot after shot of the café. His film and memory were soon filled with countless images of Mira teasing Yuri from the counter to shots of Yuuko cleaning the tables in small feats of dance steps and twirls. He even managed to increase his ‘ _Unglam P.C Collection.’_

_These are all so lovely but something still felt missing…_

 

“Yuuri~ Want to make a trip back for a quick beauty facial?” Phichit had thrown himself onto Yuuri as per usual and clung onto the older Asian like a koala.

With the bright smile that took the place of the tired and frustrated model, Yuuri could not help but melt and give into the request.

“Sure, but I want the black berry mask.” Yuuri muses.

“Over my dead body~” Phichit exclaims before he heads out of the café in a dash. “Last one back will be scrubbing the others feet!”

 

“You forgot to tip!” Yuri supplies as Yuuri dashes out after throwing a random amount onto the table. The brunette could only turn back and give a slight nod of apology while running out of sight.

“Ah, friendship!” The owner just sighed before directing the rest back to work.

 

.*.*.*.

 

In a distance, tucked in a quiet alley way, hidden was the sight of two, one heaving and grinding against the other. One pinned against the wall against his will, while the other tightening his grip against the resist, as a means of stimulating and stimulation.

The blond had angled his hips to rub his crotch against his partner of the day; like a dance of allurement, maximizing his erotic potential. The natural greys of his partner glistened in the sunlight as he refused to partake in the other’s administers and coaxing.

Soon things started turning sour as the blind let out a silent moan, letting his partner feel his excitement and shivers. All was lost when the Russian just simply stood there, cold against the arousal heat of his ‘partner’.

In his thick Russian accent, he apologized.

“Chris, I am sorry.”

An unusual apology from a long time close bud. Chris sighed before loosening his grip. He felt bitter and sorrow but a sudden thought of the boyfriend he had left in his apartment, napping, broke him out of his trance.

“Don’t be. I get why you would leave. I may not look like it but I do get tired of all the acts and sex at times. I am not mad, just bewildered. However when I think of my lover, I kind of understand.”

 

The tension oddly dissolves after a long period of avoidance. Victor had been turning down films after films, only appearing for photoshoots before disappearing to who knows where. Had it not been for his constant social media updates, he would have just simply ceased to exist, a missing man.

The night before, he had dropped by his agency, signing his retirement contract and collecting the last of his pay. While the proceeds from the works he did on his last week will still be transferred to him, Victor wanted to end the connection he has with the company as soon as possible.

Who could blame him?

 

Since their first hug, since Victor learnt just how soft Yuuri was to touch, he never let go – he did not _want_ to let go. It even went on for the entire session. Occasionally, Victor would just pounce on Yuuri to embrace the warm body in his arms. To feel the muscles tense up before melting into his touch, to hear the calming heartbeat, to smell the sweet and addictive scent the Japanese had.

On the Friday of the second week of fall, Victor was filmed on camera. But not just any camera, it was all done on Yuuri’s, maybe occasionally with Phichit or his phone. All the shoots were just him with Yuuri in his arms and the brightest smile he had. Even when Phichit managed to drag the Japanese away from his grip, Victor was still glowing.

It was as if love had struck him in the face.

Each and every session he spent with Yuuri, Victor would feel the attraction and love. It was like a drug, keeping him sane and rooted. Without Yuuri, Victor would moan and groan. He would die and he cry.

Funny thing, he was not the only one that noticed it.

 

Just a couple of days before Victor had approached his company to break out of his contract, he had spent the day moping.

 

 _I'm lying alone with my head on the phone_  
_Thinking of you till it hurts_  
_I know you hurt too but what else can we do_  
_Tormented and torn apart_

The song permeates through the cold and empty living room as the occupants went about with their daily routine. The silver haired was burying his face in the curls of his precious dog. Makkachin was laying silently as she took in the somber of the song.

As the song went to its next verse, she got up and decided to take a nap on the giant bouncy bed of her owner’s. With thud, Victor landed on the floor as he mouthed the lyrics, having memorized them deep in his heart.

  
  
_I wish I could carry your smile in my heart_  
_For times when my life seems so low_  
_It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring_  
_When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know_  
  
_I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you_  
_I know you were right, believing for so long_  
_I'm all out of love, what am I without you_  
_I can't be too late to say that I –_

“Oh could you please just stop moping!” Yuri had slammed opened his door for it was just 10 in the morning, Victor had been blasting songs after songs in an attempt to confess his love to the guy that was probably still nestling in his own bed.

Irritated that his long awaited day-off was disturbed by his dramatic brother, Yuri dragged the lip syncing man by his collar to the gantry, dumping him there as if he was trash waiting to be disposed of.

“Yura!! What am I going to do! I miss Yuuri!” Victor exclaimed as he latched onto his younger brother, making the teen lose balance, falling onto the couch with a balding man hanging off him.

“You literally just saw his yesterday!” Exasperated, Yuri tried to the pry the older man away.

“That was like 15 hours ago!! I can feel my arms losing strength! How have I lived my life before Yuuri appeared!?” Victor was pouting as he tightened his grip on his younger brother.

“For one, let me go! Second, just live like how you have been! Now, let me go!” Yuri was contemplating to kick the older man off.

“Yuraa!!!” Victor whined once more, making the teen sigh and groan. Yuri had given up against fighting against the obstinate man who had started to mouth the lyrics of the next song.

 

 _I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em_  
_And I always know the name of the game_  
 _But I don't know how to leave you_

As the song progressed, Yuri blurted out, “Why not just confess to him?”

The older man became startled and release his grip. Like a deer caught in headlights, he sat on the floor while staring back at Yuri. It was clear that the man had not thought things through.

“Wait, you can’t be serious!? You – You… After so long?! Urg! I give up!” With a huff and a puff, Yuri grabbed his phone and keys before heading out for the day, leaving Victor with a huge blush, stunned by the couch.

 

As a result of the incident, it spurred Victor into action. With a terminated contract in a hand just days after and an envelope in the other, Victor felt ready to take the world. Braving the odds, Victor headed out into town to gather the remaining things for his surprise.

 

.*.*.*.*.

 

“Yuuri~ how could you!” Phichit was whining as he laid on the couch whilst in the midst of applying his toner. In a routine, he used the cotton pad to apply the rose witch hazel toner onto his tan skin. With his fingers, he lightly massaged the liquid in before grabbing the pomegranate mask to rest it on his face.

Yuuri had managed to arrive back to their shared apartment first and thus was given the rights to the blackberry mask. It was the only ‘flavor’ or type that they had yet to try out from the Innisfree line.

As basic as the descriptions are, Yuuri knew just how excited Phichit was to try it out and get a review of it done on his side blog. They would often try a variety of masks together. Except this time, they only managed to snag the last blackberry mask from the outlet nearest to them.

It had been a buy 10 and get 5 free sale. So thousands of people across all ages were fighting to get the masks before sales end.

They had managed to snag a couple of their preferred masks, The Beauty Diaries, before heading out to sales for samples. By the time they reached the war zone, there was enough for them to be the last customers, which is until they restocked the shelves moments later.

Being a pair of close knit friends, Yuuri was leaning against the armrest while Phichit sprawled on top of him, camera in the air for the perfect angle of their beauty routine. Snaps after snaps, pose after pose, until finally the 25 minutes were up.

Taking off their masks, Phichit reached out to massage the excess serum around Yuuri’s face before massaging some down his neck. Yuuri did the same for his best bud. Once done, they did another selfie. This time, they were huddled close together.

 

**‘Beauty is hard work’**

 

“Aww, Phichit, I always knew that I was the beauty in your eyes~” Yuuri cooed at the caption.

“Someone has to be confident and appreciate you for you! Besides, you owe me too much. What would you do without me?” Phichit teases back.

“For one, I would at least have a neater room.” Yuuri strikes. Phichit gasps at the scandalous comment. Yuuri laughs as he celebrates his mini victory.

Hurt by the casual sass, Phichit threw their couch cushion straight into Yuuri’s face. Seeing the attack, Yuuri managed to dodge before returning fire. Soon, a full on pillow fight broke out as both Asians stumbled around the house in an attempt to avoid fire.

It has been a while since Yuuri had such a relaxed weekend, spending it with his best friend at his favourite café, doing something not related to his work. Despite the constant naggings in his mind, Yuuri wrestled Phicit onto the floor as they started a tickle war.

Their antics went on for about an hour. Running out of gas from laughing too much, both boys laid on the floor panting.

 

“Wanna head back to the café for lunch?”

“Sure! But you are treating since I won the tickle battle.” The tanned Asian proclaimed.

“Haha, if you say so.” Yuuri replied as he chuckled while watching his best friend trip and stumble over the strewn couch pillows.

 

_This is going to be an excited day~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have always wanted to at least include a short scene of Phichit and Yuuri doing some beauty routines. Sadly I am not one that does beauty routines so i had to base the information on what my friends supply me with and the routines are not mine. I had to reference my friend's. 
> 
> Hope it is not too boring! Thank you for reading!!
> 
> I will try to update as soon as possible once i finish my semester or anytime i managed to find idle!
> 
> By the way, I wonder if anyone could figure out the songs I have used~ I am actually a sucker for oldies


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He never fails to surprise me. Ever since I first saw him, it’s been an unending chain of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for this short update! I really want to do up a longer version but I am running out of time to spare. After my next wave of study session, i shall see.
> 
> I managed to squeeze out some time from my studies because I needed to get this out of my system. I might be updating this again some time this week or be updating other works that has no link to this story. One-offs, one-shots probably...
> 
> I am not sure, so stay tuned!

The day went and the next came. Yuuri has yet to hear or seen Victor for the past 10 hours. It was unsettling. This sudden disruption to his usual routine. It drove him mad when he checked his phone that morning.

_‘0 Notifications’_

This was the first. As was many…

 

_He never fails to surprise me. Ever since I first saw him, it’s been an unending chain of surprises._

 

Victor has been this storm in Yuuri’s life. They met by accident on the streets and Yuuri remembers that day like no other. A bump on the shoulders followed by a cup of coffee and now, a contract.

It felt like there was something more to it. Something different. Something special between the two of them.

During their last session, Yuuri was so captivated by Victor’s beauty that he would at times gape at the difference once Victor was off-camera. The beauty that would glow through the lens, with an adorable heart smile, would at times stumble and fall. Sometimes he would trip on the cables, sometimes he would trip on his feet. Most of the times, he would just trip on air.

But despite the clumsy tendencies, Yuuri just smiled and laughed. He was equally as captivated despite the gap.

During that photoshoot, Yuuri remembers the blush that stuck to his face like a plague. He remembers stuttering. He remembers staring. He remembers falling.

 

_“Yuuri, do you have someone you like?” Victor asked with a guarded and far-away look. Those clouded cerulean eyes that were looking everywhere but Yuuri._

_“I…” Yuuri lowers his camera as the question caught him off guard. To say or not to say… Yuuri can’t decide. So they just stood there, in the room, avoiding each other’s eyes. Afraid that once their eyes met, all their insecurities will start gushing out. This fragile relationship that they had built, they dared not to destroy in favour of better communication._

_“You do not have to say, if you are not comfortable. I do not want to force you to do anything.”_

_A little bittersweet line in an attempt to lighten the mood. The smile that followed, didn’t reach Victor’s eyes. It felt cruel. It felt cold. It was guarded._

_“I… I had a lover once. Just one.” In a mere whisper that Victor almost missed, had his senses not been so attuned to Yuuri’s every movement, every sound, and every breath._

_“Wow. Why?” Victor was lost for words of a better response. This meek sheep wasn’t as white or pure as he seems._

_“He… He was a mistake. It was a folly of youth. Nothing more, nothing less.”_

_In all honesty, Yuuri wanted to tell Victor the truth. He wanted to close and heal this wound, this trauma. Especially since he has an inkling to what Victor does in the day and the night. But he could not say it. The words just won’t leave his tongue._

_Yuuri took a peek at Victor, only to see that he had recoiled, as if he had asked a taboo question. The older man was getting frantic, trying to salvage the situation which was a result of his curiosity._

_Unknown emotions swarm through Yuuri as he reached out to grasp onto the Russian man’s sleeve. The light tug caught the latter’s attention, calming him. In response, Victor rested a palm by Yuuri’s cheeks, lightly caressing the area. Yuuri’s anxiety fluttered away as he leaned into the touch, nuzzling the warmth from the older man._

_Unconsciously, they both took a step forward, closing the gap between. Their hands intertwined. Their eyes just staring at one another, reading all the emotions that ran rampant. As they stood there, face inching towards one another. The moment so intimate, it was indescribable._

_They were falling._

_Seconds ticked by as the sun set beside them. The tender orange rays felt like the hands of the cupid. Lightly pushing the two together. Letting them rest their foreheads on one another. Drowning in the sight of the other._

_Before they knew it, they felt a tinge of electricity as they lips met. No pressure, just a light peck. And another… and another…_

_It felt like forever. To be in the embrace of another. To seek the warmth that Yuuri has been so starved of. To rely the comfort that Victor craved._

_When they broke apart, it felt so reluctant. But they knew. If they didn’t stop, it might escalate to something they might regret. This relationship would not be the same as ever._

_As they soaked in the glow, Yuuri rested his head in the crook of Victor’s neck, nuzzling his face against the musky yet intoxicating scent._

_“Vitya, I trust you. You have my undying faith. My undying attention.”_

_Upon hearing those words, Victor tightened his grip onto the Asian man, as if Yuuri was his life line._

_“And you have mine.”_

 

 

Recalling those sweet moments had Yuuri confused. What were they? What are these feelings? Are they normal?

_Am I interpreting Victor’s reply correctly?_

Frustrated by the thoughts, Yuuri ducked under the covers as he became resolved to sleep the day away. Until persistent knocks on his door, forced him out.

“Yuuri, I know you are awake!” Phichit barked.

“It is only 9…” Yuuri groaned.

At his comment, the door creaked open and he felt a body land on top of his. He drew a sharp breath upon impact, groaning his frustrations for having an energetic roommate cum best friend cum mortal enemy.

“Phichit Chulanont!”

 

The frenzied exclamation froze the shocked Thai until the Japanese clutched his lower half, laughing at the sight of his petrified friend. They both burst into fits of laughter, rolling around in the single bed.

“Come on, I am hungry. You owe me breakfast.”

“Fixed you liner first, I think it got smudged.”

As fast as a lightning, Phichit grabbed Yuuri’s phone and turned on the front camera to check on his eyeliner. There at the slight corner, the winged cat eye was slightly smudged off. Barely noticeable. But it did not sit well with the Thai for he shrieked at the sight of the tiny smear.

_Revenge complete~_

 

.*.*.*.

 

“Yuuri~ you have a gift~ Wonder who is it from?” Phichit cooed as he accepted the present from the mailman. He trudged in and laid the box onto the lap of the groaning Japanese.

“What is in it?” Yuuri asked as Phichit grabbed the penknife to tear open the package. As he opened the box, he came into view of a couple of fruits. Carrots, beets, turnips, radishes, peaches, cantaloupes, lettuces and pears.

Attached to the confusing box of vegetables was a little hand-written note, or letter… Depends.

 

Do you carrot all for me?

My heart beets for you,

With your turnip nose and radish face,

You are a peach.

If we cantaloupe, lettuce marry.

Weed make a swell pear.

 

“Yuuri!” Phichit cheered as he read the note, knowing immediately who the sender was even without looking at the sign-off.

There was only one man that would actually do this…

“Come on, I think I know where to have lunch today.” Yuuri gestured to the Thai as he headed back to his room for a change of clothes.

Phichit just rushed back for a quick change before exclaiming, “It is only 11 you know?”

 

.*.*.*.*.

 

“We are back~ did you miss us?” Phichit exclaimed as he forcefully entered the café that had its ‘on break’ sign up.

“No. I can’t wait for the day where I never have to see either of you.” Yuri replied as sarcastic as he could with all the fury the little kitten could muster while hiding his little smile. Everyone knew what he meant so no one really took his insults to heart unless needed.

“What is for lunch?” Yuuri questioned after the younger blond teen quietened down, taking his usual spot by the table in the corner.

“Bacons and hamburger.” The owner replied as he sat two extra plates for the two Asian men. Watering at the sight of the alluring meal, both started to chow down on the meal while the others laugh at their hungry antics.

“Slow down boys, you look like you have yet to eat in days!” Yuuko giggled as she tried to get the hunger stricken duo to slow down and enjoy their meal.

“I haven’t! Yuuri has been refusing to cook for me the past few days! Talk about abuse!” Phichit was whining about the ‘mistreatment’ he received from Yuuri while trying to down his food.

Yuuko started to coo at the sight of a teary-eyed Phichit, before ruffle his perfectly set hair to comfort the ‘crying’ Thai.

Used to the sight, Yuuri just gave a glare at the accusation while continuing to inhale his food. Just as he was about to move onto his last bite, he chocked. Not because his mouth was full. But because Victor just floated by and gave Yuuri a sultry glance.

“Yuuri! Are you okay?! What did I tell you about inhaling your food!?”

Yuuko and the owner started to frat while the culprit slithered past them to pass Yuuri a glass of water.

“Yuuri!” The anxious and worried expression from the grey-haired Russian…

 

_Oh no, you don’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Comments and kudos are all welcome! You can drop me a message on my twitter, @buoyantfloats ! Im Blithe, feel free to just say hi!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this update is a week late. I had my finals, 3 separate papers on 3 spaced out days, hence equated to increased hours studying and at my study group sessions. It drained me but I did write something during that time except I did not want to post it.
> 
> I do not want to just throw you guys a simple chapter and drag some things out. So here, I guess it is to make up for the shorter previous chapter? 
> 
> Somehow I lost the ability to write after my papers. It took me quite a while to write in my style and not in some formal setting. 
> 
> But that aside, I hope you guys would enjoy this chapter. Oh I forgot to mention, there will be hints of rape mentioned. Well, hints. I tried to save the details and spare you guys from the horrible part. You've been warned!

~~~

“I am fine. Really.”

“No fine man would choke on thin air!” Mira exclaimed.

His words feel on deaf ears as everyone buzzed around him despite his constant reassurance that he was fine. It warmed him to know that there were many people who really cared for him.

“Well at least it was not as bad as this morning.” Phichit finally chimed into the fuss.

“You almost died from choking?!” Yuuko took it the wrong way and was in her mother mode. Her face became tight as she became firm in her words, lecturing Yuuri about his eating habits and manners. The poor raven just sat there taking in the words while trying to calm her down.

Victor on the other hand was frozen as if those words had ripped his soul. With a blank expression and endless mutters of _‘Yuuri. Yuuri. Yuuri my dear Yuuri, almost died from choking.’_

Yuri on the other hand was in the middle of a life crisis, unsure if he should be laughing at how clumsy the older man was or if he should be frantic and start bashing the older man for taking better care of himself. _That careless katsudon! How does he not know how to take good care of himself!? He is 28!_

Mira was equally shook but when the words seeped in, she felt confused.

“I thought you guys just woke up?”

The question pierced through the noise, stopping Yuri’s mental crisis and Victor’s worried blabbering. Yuuko stopped mid-sentence and started to wonder what it meant.

“We did. But before we left, a package came in just moments after we woke up. It was – “

“From a secret admirer!” Phichit interrupted Yuuri’s explanation as he shouted to the world about the presence of a secret admirer.

The words hung in the air as everyone tried to understand the words Phichit just threw out.

 

“A secret admirer!? Oh My God! Yuuri, why did you not tell me about it? What was in the package?!” Yuuko exclaimed as she bounced about in excitement on Yuuri’s potential love affair.

“It was a bit tacky but I applaud the person for his wit! I swear it was so corny I could not carrot it! I was blushing so hard when I read the poem and so was our dear little precious angel!” Phichit replied, with equal enthusiasm.

 

“The person gave Yuuri a huge bouquet of flowers that meant something like ‘I love you’?” Mira chimed in as she too was waiting eagerly, with a mischievous glint in her eyes for news on this juicy gossip.

“That would be too typical. Honestly have you ever received a box filled with vegetables in relation to a poem that came with the package? I would have never thought of it! Man that person is so sneaky.”

 

“A poem!? What did it say!!” Both girls were now on the edge as they tried to come up with the corniest poem they could remember.

“The poem reads and I quote:

Do you carrot all for me?

My heart beets for you,

With your turnip nose and radish face,

You are a peach.

If we cantaloupe, lettuce marry.

Weed make a swell pear.

Boy was I speechless. I spent the past few moments just shaking Yuuri because I was so proud of my boy!”

Hearing how cheesy and tooth rotting the poem was, both of them started to squeal while Yuri gagged on the cringe-worthy poem. The owner just shook his head at the poem.

 

“Finally someone is taking action! I mean look at those thighs and that silhouette! How can anyone be so blind and pass up on appreciating such a body?! I know I didn’t! And oh boy do not get me started on his stamina!

Yuuri is such a stamina monster at times that it just exhausts me! He can go on running for miles or just dancing for hours at the studio without rest! Can you imagine what it would mean when you put sex into the equation? I cannot – “

 

“Okay we got it!”

Yuuri threw himself onto his best friend to stifle him from further embarrassment. Even though everyone are close, it still does not take the embarrassment away from having his best friend describe him as if he was some sexy god-like being. That is Victor’s job. Being pretty is for Mira. Motherly is a synonym for Yuuko. Fatherly is for the owner. Protector is for Yuri. Flawless is Phichit.

Yuuri is just nobody.

He is a friend of anxiety.

He is just an ordinary photography.

He is a man with a dirty past.

 

With a glare that says: _Another word and I will use permanent marker to draw a cat eye so hideous, you can’t remove it._ Phichit nervously laughed before raising the white flag. Sighing in relief, Yuuri got up from his best friend and dusted his outfit. It was then did he remember that it was not only them in the room. He nervously turned to observe the other’s reaction. The other being Victor.

While the rest were reacting strongly to the package and the deal about the secret admirer; fawning or gagging, Victor just went back to his work. The silver-haired man headed over to the nearest empty table and started to tidy it up for the dinner crowd.

Seeing the Russian’s lack of response made Yuuri felt as if he had been dosed with a bucket of cold water. His heart sank and he lost the fluffy feeling he had over the package. The words: ‘thank you for the gift’, now left a distaste on his tongue as he held them back.

This was not the reaction he had been expecting. Was this a mistake?

Was he just misreading the situation?

 

Were the words then, a lie?

 

As he stood there staring at the back of the nonchalant older man, he felt like throwing up. He felt his stomach churn and could feel his bile making its way up. His heart felt like it was being squeezed and that it was just a joke, _until…_

He noticed this slight hint of red dusting against Victor’s porcelain skin. His ears were dyed in a flush of red. His cheeks were rosy and he was moving uncoordinatedly. The usually graceful man was having trouble walking, stumbling on air and his own feet as if he had a bad case of double left footers.

Occasionally while he was cleaning up, the Russian would tilt his head to catch a glimpse of Yuuri before turning away in embarrassment.

As contagious as it was, Yuuri would not help but feel the blush creep onto his face and looking away from the silver-haired man. Except, with the fluster came confidence. Yuuri knew what he had to do.

With a couple of long strides, he approached the tall Cinderella, minus the rags and dirt. With a stretch of his hands, he caught the clumsy princess mid-fall and held him close to his chest despite being a couple of inches shorter. With a smirk, he offered his free hand to the maiden in trouble.

“Need some help, Princess?”

.*.*.*.*.

Victor felt his legs quiver at the sight of the erotic Japanese man. This was the face of the man that he fell for. This was the face of the man that he swooned after day and night. This was the face of the man that with words alone could make him pregnant.

Victor felt like he could faint at any moment. His face was warm and flushed. Victor that most world’s most sought-after bachelor is speechless and head over heels.

Victor felt like a pile of mush and _it is so uncool._

 

Not trusting his words, Victor just nodded and reached out for the hand. With a strong and firm hold on his back, Victor felt the support from the shorter man and tightened his grip. The way Yuuri wrapped his hand around his waist. The way Yuuri was holding him, so gentle yet firm; as if he was the most fragile thing around. The way Yuuri was treating him…

 

“Yuuri… I-I…”

“Thank you for the gift.”

_He knew…_

 

“But it could have been better.” With his lips hovering just above the older man’s ears, Yuuri whispered the praise before lightly blowing against it. Victor shivered and felt his arousal awaken. _He is so close, so warm against my skin, smelling like vanilla and a sweet tinge of orange._

Without any warning, Victor felt a light pressure, followed by some teasing nibbles on the lobe of his ear. A light peck at the base of his ears before feeling a trail against his jaws and down to the base of his neck.

It was so sensual that Victor felt gripped. He never knew that Yuuri had it in him to just blatantly attack him out in daylight. Opening the eyes that he had no idea was closed, Victor scanned the room and saw that everyone had taken shelter at the back of the café, leaving him and Yuuri by the tables and the owner at the counter.

The younger man seemed to not be stopping anytime as Victor felt the hand that was resting on his waist, sneak under his dress shirt. The heat that was radiating off from it was intoxicating as Victor leant into the touch. _More… More…_

”Looks like our break-up did wonders to you.”

 

At those weird words, Victor felt his blood run cold. The shop was still on break, so there should not be anyone they didn’t know around. Yuuri and he immediately separated as they turned to face the source of those words.

Standing with a sneer and arrogance, Victor does not recognize the copperish brunette that had just cock-blocked him and killed his erection indefinitely. But it seems like Yuuri did.

The Asian man had his jaw clenched tight and fist held tight. Those clear and innocent chestnut eyes of the shorter man were filled with fear and anguish. It was as if he just threw a defensive mask on, to protect the painfully rebuilt walls. _Could it be…?_

 

_“I… I had a lover once. Just one.”_

_“He… He was a mistake. It was a folly of youth. Nothing more, nothing less.”_

 

“Nice to see you again, Mark.” The way those soft and delicious lips spat out those words like venom. The way his eyes harden at the smug the other man had…

_Mark was Yuuri’s ex._

 

 

“What brings you to the area?” Like the polite gentleman he was, Victor knew that Yuuri could not help but be kind, even if he disliked the person.

“I was just making my rounds when I came by this café and spotted you through the window. Missed me?” The cock of the intruder’s hips and the disgust that lingered in his words... _Who does this man think he is?_

“Sadly, no.”

“Well I missed you. Your hole, to be exact.” That trash of a man replied nonchalantly. _The nerve…_

“The store is closed. Sir, you are trespassing. Please leave immediately.” As if a routine, Victor interrupted the awkward reunion with his ‘public’ smile.

He could feel Yuuri trembling beside him. Yuuri is a god made gift to man-kind. This beauty with a hidden wild side that is so addictive and endearing. A head turner that makes anyone and everyone fall for him, without his own knowledge.

But now, in front of them was a man that saw his beloved as nothing but a piece of hole.

At this point, all Victor was hoping for was that the man would just leave things as it is and walk out.

However, nothing never goes Victor’s way…

 

“Sorry to disappoint, but I am not leaving. Not without catching up with my dear beloved. You know, a cup of coffee or maybe a quickie~ A blow would do me fine too. I have needs to clear and if you do not mind, you are always free to join in on the fun. That bitch likes dicks so much, the more the merrier.”

He slipped his tongue out and licked his lips while staring intensely at Yuuri. His droopy eyes pierced through the younger man’s façade, leaving him trembling in fright. Sensing the attention Yuuri was getting, I unconsciously took a step to block Mark’s line of sight, shielding Yuuri from the unwanted attention.

Confused at the gesture, the slightly shorter man, stood to his full height as an attempt to intimidate me. But with my full height being a good couple of inches above the jerk, I hardened my glare, drawing an intense stare down.

 “Gosh, I almost could not recognize you. Aren’t you Victor Nikiforov, the world’s most sought after sex god? Known for his drop dead beauty and heart stopping body, with skills that can bring almost anyone to their knees, Victor the top adult actor. Simply said, a whore.” Mark’s smirk grew wider as he realized he had struck the right nerves.

At that comment I rushed forward and held him by the collar. Being a couple inches tall had its perks. My towering figure had him frozen on the spot as he tried to assess the situation.

As if something clicked, his smirk came back.

“Yuuri, is this your new fuck toy? You sure has his wrapped tightly around your fingers. Guess sex with you must still be amazing or he would not have defended that pathetic hole you call yours. Or maybe this whore gave you a hard round that you lust after his dick?”

_What a disgrace…_

Mark continued with his taunts while Yuuri relinquished his rights to speak, opting to remain silent under the intense atmosphere. Disappointed by the lack of response, he decided to face me. Tilting his head up to meet my glare, he scoffed.

 

“Let me tell you something. I trained that piece of ass you have in your hands. The way he wriggles that ass, the way he takes in dicks like a pro. So be grateful for it. If it weren’t for me, you would not have been able to pound into that delicious opening. Now if you do not mind, before I complain you to your manager, I would like to have a piece of what was rightfully mine.”

 

“I was never yours. We broke up years ago.” Yuuri argued, voice trembling and cracking ever so slightly. The fear was evident as I could see him getting swallowed by the demons of his past. Yuuri had his arms wrapped tightly against himself as he tried to calm himself.

 

“That was not what you said when we last fucked. Remember how you cried for my dick to – “

Rage overwhelmed me as the pompous man kept leering at Yuuri. Unable to contain myself, I swung my arms, punching the bastard. Due to the force of my attack, he stumbled to the ground.

“What is happening here?” Yuri exclaimed as he spotted an unknown man fallen on the ground nursing his face while his brother was livid.

“Yuuri!” Phichit exclaimed, rushing to support the other Asian man. “Breath! Come on buddy, deep breaths! In… Out… In… Out… Yuuri!”

 

“Reinforcements? Or were you planning to have a go at gangbang with that slut? I’ve got to say, Victor, you’ve got taste. It reminds me of the first time Yuuri and I tried it. Man, you should have – “

Before he could continue his taunts and further cripple Yuuri’s mental state, Phichit jumped onto the man who had just barely gotten back on his feet. The smaller man was busy trying to throw consecutive hits against the disoriented bigger man.

However after only a 3 hits, the owner came over and held the Thai back.

“No violence on property no matter how much of a jerk the person is.” The owner warned. _Do not dirty your hands._

 

“Who are you? What are you doing here!?” Yuuko shouted while cradling the trembling and lost Yuuri in her arms, running her arms against his back to comfort him.

“I am that bitch’s man. A gentleman through and out. A pleasure to meet you.” Mark replied with a slight bow after steadying himself against the nearest table.

“What did you just call Katsudon, you piece of trash!?” Yuri exclaimed, ready to burst out from anger.

However before he could do anything, Mira gave him a tight slap while the owner dumped him out the back door.

“Trash is to be disposed. I am just doing my job.” The owner spat, slamming the door on the man; not without having saved a recording of the entire confrontation on his phone.

 

Everyone watched in silence without a hint of remorse for the man that came and left as sudden. The silence would have lasted for a while had it not been for the intense gasps from the fallen Japanese man. It sounded like he was trying to breathe, trying to calm himself, to simply fight against the darkness that surrounded him.

But rougher and painful.

With a hand against his chest, and another just simple pounding against his back. No one knew what Yuuri was doing except the thought of stopping him. Phichit grabbed his best friend’s arm, to stop the self-infliction. To no avail for Yuuri struggled against him and simply kept pounding either his chest or back.

With a wheeze he croaked, “I-I a-t bre-e. Ha! Ha! E-ee.”

 

_I can’t breathe._

Yuuko and Mira each grasp against the struggling man’s wrists while Yuri laid his ears against the latter’s chest.

_In… In… In…_

“He can’t breathe out!” Yuri choked while the rest held their breath. Victor threw himself towards his love. _I need to calm him down. How?!_

“Yuuri, follow my breathing! Yuuri!” The silver-haired Russian reached out to take Yuuri’s hands with the intent to rest it against his chest, but the shorter man flinched and convulsed. His gasps got shorter and more forceful as he tried to escape from Victor.

The younger man leaned further towards Phichit – _his best friend_ , while constantly hitting his chest after breaking free from Mira’s grasps.

The younger man had a look of fear each time he forces his eyes open, to reaffirm his surroundings.

“Yuuri! Yuuri! Follow my breathing. In… Out… In… Out… Someone call for the ambulance!” Yuuko exclaimed.

“Just breathe… Yuuri just breathe!”

 

~~~

 

I had no idea what was happening. The moment Yuuri snatched his hands away from mine, the words from before rang in my ears.

_Victor the top adult actor. Simply said, a whore._

 

_~~~_

 

All I could hear in my head were the screams. _My Screams._

All I could feel were the touches. _Their Disgusting Caress._

All I could see were bunches of faceless men. _Vile Hungry Men._

 

My chest felt tight. It felt as if something was stuck, someone was choking me and all I could do was breathe. I took a breath in, I fought. Somehow, the breath that went in, never came out.

_Out… I want to breathe out… Out!_

With my fist, I kept hitting my chest over and over again. _Something is stuck. I need to get it out. The way I can still feel their cum dripping down my throat. It is so thick and musky. The smell and taste I can never get used to._

_Get it out._

_Get it out._

_Get it out!_

_Out… I want to breathe out… Out!_

Someone then restrained me, I opened my eyes. I recognized the silver gleam, _Victor._ I do not recognize his expression, _no._

_“Disgusting.”_

_“I can’t believe you managed to let me in. Letting me pound your insides till you tore…”_

_“I can’t believe you managed to swallow everything without wasting a drop.”_

 

Mark had offered me a drink as he usually had, except somehow, I lost conscious and awoke to find myself blindfolded and bound. They had tied me to an upside down table, spreading my legs with the bounds someone happened to bring to class that day. I struggled and tried to shout for help but the gag did nothing, only muffling my shouts.

I heard shuffles from a far and prayed for hope.

I felt a light caress against my skin. It trailed from my thighs to my genitals. I never felt more vulnerable as the touches increased. I could not tell how many there were, just feeling me up and tweaking my nipples. My flinches were ignored as I felt someone thumb my opening.

I heard a voice. _“Have fun playing with him”, the voice says._

I felt a piercing pain and a tear. I knew blood was falling, I knew this was not Mark. Kisses were laid upon my body. The thrusts sped up. My insides gripped against the invasion, a sign of rejection. Yet I still felt a warm liquid being emptied deep within me.

_No._

_No!_

_Mark where are you?_

_Mark!?_

_Save me! Please, someone! Anyone!_

****

_No, stop._

_Stop._

**_No! Please, Stop!_ **

****

****

**_Victor, Save Me!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it makes me wonder if you guys would actually read the starting A/N and take note of the warning? I hope you guys would! 
> 
> The scene where Yuuri can't breathe in reminds me of the time i could not breathe out, and another time when i cant breathe in. Not because of some medical reason, nor was it my anxiety. 
> 
> I kind of got into a friendly banter with someone and the person hit me in the wrong place. It took me awhile to breathe again. Man was it scary! 
> 
> I hope to hear from you guys comment below or at my twitter and tumblr, feel free to DM! It really means alot to me!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look, a peek, what does Yuuri's head contain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This does not feel like much of an update but I needed to get this out there for the next part would be steamy~ Well at least I hope. 
> 
> But either way, please feel free to enjoy the chapter!

.*.*.*.*.

The chatters from the background dimmed as the lights swayed.

 

I noticed this slight hint of red dusting against Victor’s porcelain skin. His ears were dyed in a flush of red. His cheeks were rosy and he was moving uncoordinatedly. The usually graceful man was having trouble walking, stumbling on air and his own feet as if he had a bad case of double left footers.

Occasionally while he was cleaning up, the Russian would tilt his head to catch a glimpse of me before turning away in embarrassment.

As contagious as it was, I would not help but feel the blush creep onto my face and looking away from the silver-haired man. Except, with the fluster came confidence. I knew what I had to do.

 

_Watch out, Vitya~_

 

With a couple of long strides, the tall Cinderella was in reach, minus the rags and dirt. With a stretch of my hands, I caught the clumsy princess mid-fall and held him close to my chest despite being a couple of inches shorter. With a smirk, I offered my free hand to the maiden in trouble.

“Need some help, Princess?”

.*.*.*.*.

I could feel him quivering in his knees, as his flush deepened. His frantic heartbeat was calming against my equally racing beats. Nodding to my statement, he grabbed onto me. with a strong and firm hold on the older man’s back, I rested his waist against mine as I helped back to his feet.

 

“Yuuri… I-I…”

“Thank you for the gift.”

His eyes widened, staring right back into mine.

 

“But it could have been better.” With his lips hovering just above the older man’s ears, Yuuri whispered the praise before lightly blowing against it. Victor shivered.

 

“Disgusting!”

 

The yell broke the heavy arousal and brought to me the attention of others. Phichit was busy fanning himself at my sudden sexual overdrive. Mira was busy tending and cooing at us while Yuuko was trying to control her sudden nosebleed.

Yuri was livid to say the list as he felt tainted. Never had he ever wanted to see his brother in such intimate positions, never would he expect his brother to be on the receiving ends.

 

“There are people who are underage here! Couldn’t you just do this behind closed doors?!” The teen continued yelling his frustrations as he tried to erase the adult and un-pg rated scene involving his brother and his lover from his eyes.

 

Smirking and blushing at the reactions, Yuuri turned to face the Russian in his hand once more. With a light pressure, followed by some teasing nibbles on the lobe of his ear, Yuri whispered.

“Try harder next time, Vitya~”

 

With a meek squeak, Victor broke free from my grasp before heading off to the kitchen. The owner laughed at the priceless reactions before nudging me.

“Bet you 20 that he will be sending millions of flowers?”

“I bet a meal that Victor would try to plan out a picnic under the stars.”

With a hefty chuckle, bets started to roll in from everyone around. As the bets were noted, I didn’t notice the blond that was standing beside me.

 

“Do you seriously not get that Victor is trying to confess to you?”

I just smiled.

“Who do you think I am? I am not as dense as you think.”

 

Yuri just glared in response.

“Your actions simply speak otherwise.”

 

With a smirk and a coy look over to the older man that was pacing around the kitchen, plotting his next plan, I could not help but feel my heart flutter.

_Try harder for my affection, Vitya~_

My heart was calm as I observed the rest, mingling. That was, until I felt my legs sinking and suddenly, I was drowning.

 

With each stroke, I felt myself sink faster into the sea of abyss. I gasped and struggled. I could feel the air in my lungs exasperate out. The weights attached grew unknowingly as I remembered the days after the first rape.

I could see them fading past my eyes, overwhelming me, until the ocean bed.

Tired with little hope, I yearned for the sun. Here on the ocean bed, it is dark. I hardly see anything past a couple of centimeters. Using knowledge and calming techniques, at first it worked. I was able to float my way back to the surface, onto my boat.

However, as the frequency of my attacks increase, my escape slowly became denied. Like a state of sadness and regret, the deep navy engulfs me as sunlight disappears. Crouching and crying in the endless abyss.

 

At times, I could feel the resolution and fought my way back towards the surface.

During those times, each step felt heavy and tiring as if begging me to simply turn back. And I do it, each and every time. Continuing was really hard. Each and every stroke away felt like a lure back to the comfy and cold spot on the floor.

There are times where a glimpse of light would shine through, leading me. It used to be Mark. Except what came as sudden would disappear as sudden. Once against entangled in the web of darkness as emotions well up and my actions dulled.

A never ending cycle of want and need that made me wonder how long has it been since I saw or felt the warmth of the sun.

 

My thoughts became a mess when Mark left. I had miraculously forgiven his actions because of the fear I had. There was no savior, nor any gleams of hope. I was all alone. Soon the feelings carried over and started to heavily affecy my work.

There are days where I would just lose control and panic. Maybe sobbing through the night for no particular reason.

 

That was until Victor showed up.

 

“Yuuri, you do know what his job is. Right?”

“He is an adult actor. Not that hard to figure out especially when I am certain I have captured his image once or twice before. I’ve just never remembered.”

Scrolling through the images in the folder, there were 2 that were grouped differently from the rest.

 _2 years before_ – it states. The images in that file, showed the silver-haired man leaning against a pillar, staring solemnly out into the winter scenery, in nothing but a simple robe.

 

I had always known about his career choice but I never really questioned it, nor did I recoil from it. It was not like him being an adult actor would change the dynamics of our relationship.

Victor became the gleam of hope I was looking for and I could tell that I was his.

 

There are days where I would panic and be plagued by the thoughts of my photobook. Despite it, the attacks were rare and fade as soon as it appeared. Be it a blessing or a lie, with Victor by my side, I could not help but feel invincible.

While this is a fight that I need to face myself, had it not been for Victor, it would not have been this easy in years. Victor brightens my moods, he is the reason I feel a lot more positive. It is thanks to Victor who stayed by my side, assuring me that it is alright to relapse. It is alright because they were in it together.

 

_However a habit is a habit, a norm will be the norm…_

_But I know that as long as Victor stays by my side, I will be fine._

_I will be fine._

 

 

‘Yuuri.’

_Vitya?_

“Yuuri!”

“Yuuri!?”

 

Like a cry in the distance, I heaved my heavy body off the ground, reaching towards the origins of the sound. I felt light and peaceful.

_I will be alright, Vitya._

.*.*.*.

 

“Vitya?” A dry whisper echoed through the room. Yuuri almost could not recognize his own raspy voice. He felt exhausted and hopeful. Moving his unfocused eyes, Yuuri scanned the room. Beside was Phichit and Yuri.

Untrusting of what he is seeing, Yuuri took another glance.

 

_Victor was not around._

 

”Phichit, where am I?”

“You fainted in the café so Victor carried you home.” The Thai explained while trying to control his sobs.

 

“My brother is in the living room. He… He dares not to come in.”

Yuri’s hesitation was worrying.

 

“Why?”

“Yuuri, do you not remember?”

With a shake of his head, Yuuri silently urges the two to reply to his question.

 

“My brother tried to help you but you recoiled from his touch.” Yuri mumbles as he looks away guilty.

“Could you call him in and leave us alone?” It was a plea, to solve this misunderstanding.

With a nod, they both hugged the resting man. The next moment the door opened, in came the drained and weary Russian man.

 

“Vicchan.” With a pat by the side of his bed, Yuuri was trying to coax the strung man within touch. Obedient, Victor sat by the edge of the bed, reaching out in an attempt to feel Yuuri’s warmth against his skin.

 

_Victor the top adult actor. Simply said, a whore._

 

Victor balked from the sudden reminder and pulled back his hand.

Yuuri reached and grabbed the hand before placing it against his cheek. Gently, he nuzzled the warm palm.

 

“I always knew that you were an adult actor, Vicchan.” Softly, in a hush that Victor almost couldn’t pick up.

“I know that you were hiding it from me, like how I’ve never told you about my past. You have your reasons and I have mine. But let me tell you something.

I never questioned your career choice nor did I recoil when I first learnt of it. You being an adult actor would not change the dynamics of our relationship. I am with you because it is you that I love. Do not ever forget that, Vitya. I am the one that loves you for you.”

 

Yuuri rested his forehead against Victor’s. Stumped with a loss of words, Victor lifted Yuuri’s chin before kissing those plump lips. A tinge of electricity shocked them as their hearts started to fasten to a synchronized beat. The alluring scent of the other…

They were falling, unconsciously, baring their souls to the other. Their hands intertwined, their heats beat as one. This was their moment, their intimate moment.

Second ticked by as they claimed a kiss after another, drowning in the warmth of the other.

 

When they broke apart, it felt reluctant. The heavy scent of arousal and need was overpowering the little room. As they rested their foreheads against the other, Victor let his eyes trail against the frail body beneath him.

 

_The patient needs rest._

Sighing at the thought, Victor just simply stopped the impending kiss and pecked the pouting man on the cheek.

“My love, patience.” Placing the younger man’s palm against his arousal, Victor whimpered. “This will be yours once you are deemed as fully recovered by the doctor. So until then, patience. This is not any easy for me as it is for you.”

With a flush against the deathly pale skin, Yuuri stuttered before hiding himself in his sheets.

 

Chuckling, Victor laid onto the space Yuuri had made for him. Pulling the still embarrassed man into a tight cuddle, Victor breathed,

 

_“Yuuri, I love you too.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we should be close to the end of the story. 
> 
> If anyone does reads my notes, I hope you would give my new Victuri Story a try! It is called Endless Summer Hydrangea. An angst and fluff story that is only about 3 chapters long on how Victor convinces Yuri the widow to fall for him!
> 
> Promotions aside, I am really grateful for all your support and love for my story. I am extremely thankful for all of the love you guys have shared!
> 
> Look out for the upcoming last chapter! I promise i will try to update that as soon as possible! So i guess... See ya~~


	10. End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This photobook is dedicated to the one who inspired me, the one who stormed into my life one Autumn Day. He never fails to surprise me. Ever since I first saw him, it’s been an unending chain of surprises.
> 
>  
> 
> To my inspiration, my muse, my world, would you give me a chance to spend a lifetime with you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi~ So this is the last chapter for this AU. I hope that you guys would enjoy it!

_“Do not ever forget that, Vitya. I am the one that loves you for you.”_

_._

_._

_._

_“Yuuri, I love you too.”_

As the memories from the day before invaded his thoughts, Yuuri burst into a red flush before hiding his face with his hands. He was still in denial that this was actually happening.

 

Victor Nikiforov the world’s most sought after man.

Victor Nikiforov the man who he had spent his entire autumn with. Just barely 3 months.

Victor Nikiforov the man whom Yuuri had fallen in love with, had actually confessed his love to him.

 

Him… a pile of anxiety. Him – a dirtied pile of mess.

Never in his life had he dreamed that Victor would ever take interest in him. His works are at best mediocre. His life was at best boring. He…

 

_Would Victor actually accept this used body...?_

 

With a distant stare in his eyes, he unconsciously lifted his right arm, caressing it with his left. The ghostly grip he felt against his wrist, the ghostly caresses down his sides… His thoughts trailed while a shiver went down his back.

The ghost of the past came haunting. Although in reality, they never left. Had they done it at that start, would things turn out this way?

His eyes dimmed, his thoughts darkened, his breathing turn haggard, his grip on the sheets tightened.

 

A flash of silver tresses in his sight.

_“Yuuri?”_

…Breathe in… Breathe out…

In

Out

In

Out

 

_I wonder what happened to the confidence I had when I first woke up…_

“Yuuri. How are you feeling? Tired? Need a hand?” The usually energetic man seemed mellow and cautious. His signature heart shaped mouth was gone. Those raw emotions engraved in his void cerulean eyes. The awkward cock of a neck. The stiff posture.

 

“Pftt… Hahah~”

 

_As long as Victor is by my side, I will be fine._

_I will be –_

“Fine. I’m fine, Vitya.”

 

At the sound of his nickname, Victor slowed his steps to sit by the side of the single bed.

“Really?”

 

“You are here, aren’t you?”

With his smile, the still resting ‘patient’ emitted a soothing glow.

 

“But –”

The brunette reached out and grasped onto the warm outstretched palm by his side.

 

“There will be days where we won’t see eye to eye. There will be days where I might be consumed by my thoughts. I might be drowning in my thoughts to the point where I overlook my surroundings or neglect myself. I might just succumb to the devils in my heart and close you off.

But despite it all, I have a feeling. As long as you are by my side, I might be fine.”

 

With tears welling in those clear cerulean orbs, Victor pounced onto Yuuri, circling his right over the younger man’s waist while cradling his head. Surprised by the sudden jump, Yuuri lost his balance and both parties fell onto the stiff single bed.

 

With a deep flush, the brunette tightened his grip on the older man’s shirt. Mumbling, “What have I done to deserve you?”

“You existed.”

They looked at each other.

“You are embarrassing.” Yuuri exclaimed, giggling.

“Anything to make you laugh, sweet heart~” Victor said, with his signature heart-shaped mouth, beaming in an everlasting happiness.

~~~

 

“…Yuuri, I’m hard.”

.*.*.*.*.

“Here is the final sample. We have printed the images and pages as per instructions. Although there seems to be an error. On this last page, it says ‘he’. Shouldn’t it be a ‘she’?”

In awe, Yuuri could not stop flipping the pages. The way the paper had captured the beauty of his beloved… When he heard the question, he paused at the page, gazing melancholy.

“‘He’ is fine.”

.*.*.*.*.

 

“ **Breaking news** : World Renowned Photographer, Yuuri Katsuki has just released a new photobook. The internet and fans are going crazy as there were no known promotions for the photobook.”

“Fans responded that “It came out of nowhere!”

“The only news to the release came from a selfie of World Famous Instagram Model Phichit Chulanont with a copy of the photobook.”

“After fans saw the image, many swarm to Yuuri’s social media account to confirm the news and his response was for them to check out their local stores for it. As a result, stores are swarmed by fans, searching for a copy which had gone out of stock in record breaking time.”

“This was not the first time the photographer had created a storm online. In the past, he had been known to capture controversial images through a pure and intriguing perspective. As for his latest work, fans are buzzing on how this work felt more sensual. It felt raw, like a confession to his lover. But who is his lover? Is he married? What exactly is going on in the lives of the ever private Yuuri Katsuki?”

 

.*.*.*.*.

 

“Are you not going to tell him about it?” The tanned Thai questioned the Japanese who was moving his boxes to the mover’s truck outside.

“Well he does loves his surprises.”

“I will miss you, Yuuri. You are the best roommate I will ever have!” With tears threatening to spill and ruin the perfected liner, Phichit threw himself onto his best friend who caught the shorter man on instinct.

With a gentle smile, Yuuri threaded his fingers through the silky strands before patting the sniffing younger man.

“I am not leaving forever, you know.”

“But that doesn’t mean I can’t miss staying with my partner-in-crime.”

With a light chuckle, the two friends just stayed there in the comforts of one another until a blond appeared at their door.

“Come on, my second favourite Yuri. Let us commemorate our first stay together! Selfie!”

“Can’t you wait till I am in the house!?”

.*.*.*.*.

10 years later…

As the sun set in the distance, seemingly into the vast endless sea, a couple could be spotted standing idly as the waves washed against their bare feet. The taller of the two had his arm around the other’s shoulders. The shorter of the two had his arm around the waist of the other.

With an echo of the seagulls flying past them, they just stood in silence, taking in the sight of the colorful canvas Mother Nature had done up.

“I still cannot believe…”

 

The older man was lost for words as he was more entranced by the shine and gleam of the golden ring on the younger man’s finger.

The sign of their promised forever…

All the feelings and emotions that came with the ring. The love and entrancement he feels to this day. This feeling of being grateful… as if he was in a dream and would jump awake at any given moment to be the lonely and cold person he once was.

Victor tightened his grip as his thoughts started to run – a habit he had ended up picking from Yuuri. But before the thoughts could trail off further, he felt a light touch on his cheeks. Yuuri was staring back into his eyes.

Seeing the emotions that swarm through those clear and innocent orbs… he felt lost and drowning…

 

They call it: Soulmates.

Being part of a separate entity that actually makes up as 1. When together, forms a complete whole. Someone who is so ready to open up to him, so ready to embrace who he is without any rejection. Someone is was made for him, and only him. Soulmates may not always end up together. They might be friends, besties, or just enemies but this bond, this feeling…

 

With a loving gaze, Yuuri whispered:

_Neither can I_

 

Those simple words somehow quelled his thoughts and Victor felt the ends of his mouth tug upwards. With his signature heart-shaped smile, he gave his husband a bone crushing hug. Yuuri protested against the sudden change in position but did nothing to push the other man away.

Just those words alone, Victor knew that they will be fine. _They will be fine, from now and forever._

 

~~~

 

_This photobook is dedicated to the one who inspired me, the one who stormed into my life one Autumn Day. He never fails to surprise me. Ever since I first saw him, it’s been an unending chain of surprises._

_To my inspiration, my muse, my world, would you give me a chance to spend a lifetime with you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It felt as the story didn't turn out as great as I had hoped and maybe a couple readers had dropped off along the way, but to those that have stayed till the end, i am extremely thankful for your support!!
> 
> I actually wanted to add in a smut scene but somehow I just can't seem to fit it in without repeating a lot of the emotions. So i decided to cut it and maybe reuse it somehow, or one day.
> 
> I have a couple of stories, AUs in stored and in process. For the time being, if you really enjoyed my writing, please feel free to read [Endless Summer Hydrangeas](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10032527/chapters/22359941). I hope that you would give it a chance, just as how you have given this AU one.
> 
> If the ending is not to your taste, then I am terribly sorry for leading you on. I just hope that this didn't turn out rushed or crappy... I am really grateful to those who have followed this story from the start! It has been a long and long wait for each chapter. I am terribly sorry for an update that doesn't seem to be worth its wait... I just hope that you would give this AU a last chance. 
> 
> Thank you and see you next level!!

**Author's Note:**

> I will update this and try to complete it before the last episode? Although i wonder how will i actually survive once YOI ends... 
> 
> You can find me at [Tumblr](http://buoyantblithe.tumblr.com) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/buoyantfloats)
> 
> Feel free to drop a comment anywhere, drop them below or PM me or ask me on Tumblr! Thank you for reading!!


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